Wednesday, December 29, 2004

CRACKS IN MY FACE

Two of my Grandchildren are visiting for the holidays.

We were sitting together and Michael was reading to us.

Lauren had a question....

Bama,

Why does your face have cracks in it when you smile!!!!

AHHHH....

Another milestone in getting old!

ML

Friday, December 24, 2004

A CHRISTMAS GIFT

HERE IS A CHRISTMAS GIFT FOR ALL YOU OLDER LADIES OUT THERE!

 

BRACE YOURSELF AND STAY IN CONTROL......

 

SCROLL DOWN.........

 

ML

 

 

 

 

MERRY CHRISTMAS...DARLIN!!!!!!

Tuesday, December 21, 2004

IT'S HAPPENING~~~~~~~`

I read this today and.... maybe it applies and maybe not but I'm gettin there!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'M GETTING SO OLD THAT......

I CAN LAUGH, COUGH, SNEEZE AND PEE...

ALL AT THE SAME TIME!    

ML

Sunday, December 19, 2004

MY JOURNEY TO OLD

Slowly...it continues to happen. Age is creeping up a little more every day. The other day it was the string around my neck.  Dangling from the string is my pair of close up glasses.

As of last night...I have added another "gettin Old" article of clothing.

I broke down and bought 2 turtle neck, long sleeved tops!

My string with the glasses hit my neck at just the right place for me to notice a definite sag that has begun in my neck area.

If I hadn't bought the string for the glasses..I would not have noticed the sag.

It seems as I get older, one correction leads to another.

Another big thing learned with having the glasses around my neck is that you DO NOT want to look in a mirror with the close up glasses on your eyes. I did and it was a frightening experience indeed!

So here I am...gettin older and starting the progression. Glasses first and now..

Turtle neck, long sleeved tops. They serve two purposes. One...The turtle hides the neck and the long sleeves cover loose skin and brown spots that are developing on my arms.

Pretty soon I will look like I am from the middle East and all you can see are my eyes (with close up glasses of course).

Maybe, those women are smarter than the rest of us. They covered up early and adjusted to the fact that they could age and no one would ever know!

Gettin old ain't for sissy's!!!!!!!!!!!!

M L

Thursday, December 16, 2004

ANOTHER MILESTONE

I reached another milestone in my journey to oldness today.

I put my close up glasses on a string around my neck!

I got tired of trying to find them when I needed to see up-close.

My vanity is gone along with my youth.

I just need to see.... when I need to see!

M L

Monday, December 13, 2004

I BELIEVE...I BELIEVE...I BELIEVE!!!!

I BELIEVE IN SANTA CLAUS BECAUSE..........................

1. I believe in anyone who brings me jewelry!

2. He never ages!

3. He brings better presents than the Tooth Fairy!

4. He likes you no matter what you look like!

5. He brings me a present even when I don't have any money!

6.He doesn't worry about being fat!

7. One year he found me even though we moved!

AND.......

8. If you don't believe in him...You don't get any presents!

AND.........

9.If enough people believed in him...maybe, we wouldn't have wars.

AND...Most of all......

10. He makes the whole world happy for at least one day!

I LOVE YOU, SANTA!

M. L.

Sunday, December 12, 2004

EVERYTHING OLD IS NEW AGAIN!

Has anyone noticed the sweaters with the long, matching scarves?

What is with all the scarves this year? And...

The Poncho's!

Kids today think that that is so new and sooo cool.

We wore thoes things in the 60's and 70's. We even wore the low slung jeans. Back then they were called "peanut jeans" and I wore a pair on my tiny body.

What about the short shorts we wore! Our buns hung out and looked cute...just like todays buns.

Kids today think that they invented fashion but they are WRONG!

I'm waiting for Polizo pants to make a return visit.

AND...the bleached out look on jeans...NOT new Kids!

We would buy a pair of Levi's and wash them in Clorox!

I have even seen some tie dye shirts!!!!Please don't let them come back!

So Kids, everything old is new again.

Including the word....COOL!

M L

Tuesday, December 7, 2004

GETTIN OLD AND CHRISTMAS SHOPPING

I just got home from 3 hours of Christmas shopping!

What is wrong with people anyway?

There were no smiles and no Merry Christmas greetings.

Just determined looks and frustrated faces!

Every where I looked the faces were old and tired looking.  

 No joyful expressions, no lit up faces, no christmas spirit shining in the eyes....

Then, to my horror...

I realized that I was in a mirror store and looking at.......

MYSELF!

Time for a makeover....

inside and out!

M. L.

Thursday, December 2, 2004

THE BACK ATTACK AND THE AARP

I woke up this morning with my lower back hurting.

I did some stretches but they did not help, may have hurt!

I guess I will have to suck it up and find a Chiropractor.

Gettin old sure ain't for sissy's.

I was aware that I was hearing (in my head) my mother's words to sit up straight.

I tried that and it hurt. No wonder old people slump...

It hurts to stand up straight!

I think that I must be out of alignment or something.

Do you remember when your Mother told you not to cross your eyes or they would stick that way?

I must have been slumping so long that my back has stuck this way.

I no longer do things in a single bound. I can no longer leap tall buildings.

Heck, I had trouble getting out of bed this morning and getting my legs to move.

It must be happening...

I am getting old.

How do I know that????????

I just got the invitation to join the AARP! AHHHHHHHHHHHH!

ML

 

Friday, November 26, 2004

THOUGHTS OF A RELUCTANT FLYER

Waiting for take off from the Springfield airport. It is raining and cloudy...great!

As usual, I am scared. I hate to fly....

Boy, it is hot in this cabin. The heat is creeping up to my face. I'm sure my face is fire red.

 I am on a 50 seater jet going to Cincinnati and I dread the take off.

The engines are revving now and we are starting the take-off.

Man, I don't like this feeling at all. I know that it is a control issue...beat, beat, beat...my heart.

I just put in my eat stopples so the noise won't be so bad.

O K, we are in the air. It is a little bumpy..OK, now it is real bumpy.

shoot....

The pilot just came on and said we are at 13,000 feet and will climb to 21,000 feet. It is too bumpy and the plane is swaying a little. I hope that I don't get sick and puke my insides up.

God, I am so scared. Why is it always bumpy when I fly? Don't cry, don't cry.....

We are at 21,000 and it is still so bumpy that I can hardly write. I write through flights to take my mind off of the fact that I am in a little tube, flying through the air, wayyyyyy UP in the air, at WELL over 100 miles an hour. I have put my life in the hands of people that I don't even know. I think it would be nice to exit the plane and say, thanks for the flight, Bill. I have known you for such a long time and I know that you are a good pilot.

Man, it is still so hot in here and the plane is almost full. It is a little plane...too little for my taste.

EWEEEUEEE...what is that horrible smell. Damn, someone is passing gas. It must be that old guy across from me who is asleep.

The smell comes about every 10 minutes and really screws up my deep breathing exercise to relax.

Hasn't this guy ever heard of Beano??? gagg.... If I had a rubber band on me, I could tell him to use it on that special place!

I figure if I write fast enough that I will forget to be afraid. NOTTTT WORKINGGGG..

There's that awful smell again. I would like to wake that man up and tell him to go to the restroom!

O K. the deep breathing...2 breaths in through my nose and 4 out of my mouth......

Gag...I just breathed in that man's smell. Shoot.

We must be decending because my ears are hurting.

Yep, we are decending and going through storm clouds. Why can't it ever be smooth when I fly, Why?

Touch down...YEA!  I'm almost home.

Oh great...The man with the gas problem just let one more fly...

I have gotten that smell in my nose and it will probably be a week before it is gone.

Taxing to the gate now. The smell is following us to the gate.

Thank you, God for getting me home safe.

SMELL and ALL.

M. L.

Wednesday, November 24, 2004

HAPPY THANKSGIVING

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!!!!

EAT CHICKEN TODAY...IT'S BETTER FOR YOU!

THANKS,    TOM

 

THE BIG GUY IS COMING!!!!

Mary Louise

Sunday, November 14, 2004

Going on a trip

I will not be writing this week.

Going on a trip.

I'm sure that I will have a lot to share when I return!

 

Mary Louise

Thursday, November 11, 2004

THE COUNTER STRIKES AGAIN!

Darn counter##*&^##***

It was up to 280 and I knew that I had some people who were reading my thoughts.

And now, only 10 people have visited this site.

O.K.....The counter thinks that just because that I am getting old...I don't notice these things.

But it is WRONG~~WRONG~~WRONG~

I keep an eye on the sneaky little counter. My eyes may be dimming but I can tell what it is doing.

It is on a mission to drive me crazy.. and then it will steal all of my jewelry and money and go on a cruise or to Europe or some other far away, expensive get-a-way with my money!

It is just waiting for me to let my guard down and then pounce....

The counter is probably in with people from the home who want to take me away but...HA~~~HA~~~HA~~~

I'm on top of everything and the counter will NOT win this war with this old Lady.

It doesn't know it but I could rub it out in a flash and then where would it be in it's quest to drive me to the home so it can take over my life, money and property!!!!

Keep on going back to 10 from over 200 hits and see me fight back.

AH, HA, HA,HA...counter...

You will never take this old Lady down...

Do you hear me?

Do you hear me!!!!

I'm going to win this war.........Counter.

Wait a minute...Who are those men with the white coats in my drive way?

ML

Wednesday, November 10, 2004

EAR INFECTION

You are only as old as you feel!!!!!!!!!!

Bad news for me today.....

I feel really old!

Nothing really hurts except....

My finger and now my right ear hurts.

Called my Doc and will see him on Friday.

I get a lot of ear infections and afraid I might be developing one.

I fly to Springfield, Mo on Tuesday and have horrible images of my ear exploding because of the pressure.

If this is another ear infection...

I will wear a sign around my neck when I get on the plane. I will choose a seat in the very back of the plane so that I can walk down the isle and everyone can read my sign that says...

DO NOT sit on the right across from me. This is a warning for passengers in three rows to the right of my seat across the isle.

If my right ear blows you will be the recipient of my ear fluids and it MAY contain blood.

I will be issuing all of you clear rain coats and eye protection.

I have placed a pencil in my ear in hopes of keeping the blast under control!!!

I figure that the plane will clear out after they read my sign and I can sit where ever I want to sit.

Kinda like having a private jet.

I know this sounds mean but I am just trying to protect the flying public.

Mary Louise

Monday, November 8, 2004

A STRANGE OLD LADY HAS MOVED INTO MY HOUSE

I got this today in an E-Mail and it is soooo true that I wanted to share it with my 2 readers.

Mary Louise

Please be careful. This person has found her way into my house and could also go to yours.

A very weird thing has happened. A strange old lady has moved into my house. I have no idea who she is, where she came from, or how she got in. I certainly did not invite her. All I know is that one day she wasn't there, and the next day she was!


She is a clever old lady and manages to keep out of sight for the most part, but whenever I pass a mirror, I catch a glimpse of her. And, whenever I look in the mirror to check my appearance, there she is hogging the whole thing, completely obliterating my gorgeous face and body. This is very rude! I have tried screaming at her, but she just screams back.




The least she could do is offer to pay part of the rent, but no. Every once in a while, I find a dollar bill stuck in a coat pocket, or some loose change under a sofa cushion, but it is not nearly enough. I don't want to jump to conclusions, but I think she is stealing money from me. I go to the ATM and withdraw $100, and a few days later, it's all gone!

I certainly don't spend money THAT fast, so I can only conclude the old lady is pilfering from me. You'd think she would spend some of that money to buy wrinkle cream. And money isn't the only thing I think she is stealing.



Food seems to disappear at an alarming rate-especially the good stuff like ice cream, cookies, and candy. She must have a real sweet tooth, but she'd better watch it, because she is really packing on the pounds. I suspect she realizes this, and to make herself feel better, she is tampering with my scale to make me think I am putting on weight, too.

For an old lady, she is quite childish. She likes to play nasty games, like going into my closets when I'm not home and altering my clothes so they don't fit. And she messes with my files and papers so I can't find anything. This is particularly annoying since I am extremely neat and organized.


She has found other imaginative ways to annoy me. She gets into my mail, newspapers, and magazines before I do and blurs the print so I can't read it. And she has done something really sinister to the volume controls on my TV, radio, and telephone. Now, all I hear are mumbles and whispers. She has done other things-like make my stairs steeper, my vacuum heavier and all the knob and faucets harder to turn. She even made my bed higher so that getting into and out of it is a real challenge.

Lately, she has been fooling with my groceries before I put them away, applying glue to the lids, making it almost impossible for me to open the jars. She has taken the fun out of shopping for clothes. When I try something on, she stands in front of the dressing room mirror and monopolizes it. She looks totally ridiculous in some of those outfits, plus, she keeps me from seeing how great they look on me.

[Unable to display image]

Just when I thought she couldn't get any meaner, she proved me wrong. She came along when I went to get my picture taken for my driver's license, and just as the camera shutter clicked, she jumped in front of me!

I hope she never finds out where YOU live



Saturday, November 6, 2004

MY BROKEN FINGER

I broke my little finger a few months ago.

It was painful but healed.

Now, there is a knot at the middle knuckle that starts to hurt when it gets cold or rainy!

Old age is creeping into my bones!!!! Well, into my little broken finger.

There is nothing that can be done to straighten it out.

The Doc said...maybe, with time it will go back to normal but no promises.

Damn..

I should name my finger..Peco, the 5 pound dog finger.

He is the one who disfigured my finger and showed no remorse.

Or maybe, I should start paying more attention as I walk!!!!

No...it was all Peco's fault.

I'm going to have to hide my ugly finger for the rest of my life. Maybe a glove on that hand...

Maybe, I can keep the ace bandage on it forever.

I get tired of people saying...My Goodness, what happened to your finger?

Too bad it was not my middle finger. Then I could just point the crooked  finger at them and watch them cover their mouths and run away.................

Never to ask me about my deformity again.!!!

M. L.

Tuesday, November 2, 2004

YOU'RE NOT TOO OLD TO VOTE TODAY!

GET OUT OF THAT WHEEL CHAIR, GRAB YOUR CANE AND GO....... VOTE!

MARY LOUISE

Monday, November 1, 2004

A NEW DAY!!!!!!!

Ralph Walso Emerson has good advice to pass along today.

FINISH EVERY DAY AND BE DONE WITH IT..........

TOMORROW IS A NEW DAY;

BEGIN IT WELL AND SERENELY WITH TOO HIGH A SPIRIT TO BE CUMBERED WITH YOUR OLD NONSENSE........

THIS DAY IS ALL THAT IS GOOD AND FAIR.

IT IS TOO DEAR, WITH ITS HOPES AND INVITATIONS TO..........

WASTE A MOMENT ON YESTERDAYS.

Thanks, Mr. Emerson

Mary Louise

Sunday, October 31, 2004

HALLOWEEN

We only had about 6 or 8 trick or treater's last night!

How times have changed!

When I was a kid we would go out ( a group of kids alone).       Leave about 5 pm and not get home until 9 or 10pm. No one worried about our safety because all parents watched out for all children.

We walked for miles. It wasn't a quiet holiday like today. We hooted and shouted and  would see who could make the loudest witch scream.  When someone would answer the door we would scream to the top of our lungs....trick or treat...smell my feet...give me something good to eat!!!!! And we always said...Thank You!

If we didn't get a treat or someone didn't answer their door..... It was a production of badness that followed. We would get up our courage, throw leaves on their porches and run away laughing...Boy did we get them!!!!

We also made our own costumes out of things around the house.

Last night the children had adults guards with them and walked quitely to the door. They didn't  even say Trick or Treat...They just stood there with their candy pouches opened. I told them how cute they looked with no reply..Not even a Thank You!

It was kinda sad to this old ....stay out 4 or five hours and come home with a pillow case that I had to drag, person!!!!!!

Just no excitement in halloween night anymore.....so sad..

Mary Louise

Wednesday, October 27, 2004

THE 40TH HIGH SCHOOL REUNION

I did it...I went to my 40th high school reunion.

I can't believe that I have been out of high school that long.

Looking from the inside out...I don't feel old or think that I look old.

What surprised me at the reunion was how many old people were there..... CLAMING TO BE MY CLASSMATES.

They all looked old and used up, tired and wrinkled.

How did this happen to all of them?

The girls looked cute and the boy's buff 40 years ago....even me!

 Mary Louise  Senior Picture

Now...They all look...well~~~~~~~Sad!

I was thinking all of this while surveying the room with the orange and blue streamers and the ice sculpture of the Lion.

Every time that I would talk to someone, I couldn't help but feel sorry for them. They just looked old to me.

I was feeling pretty saucy in my new dress and heels as I talked to the guy's and girl's of my youth. I was thinking that they should have taken better care of themselves.

Then, I made a horrible mistake....

I went to the restroom........

As I washed my hands, I glanced in the mirror and much to my surprise....

There was an old Lady looking back at me.

I swear that I didn't know who she was!!!!!

Who was that old person with my eyes and hair?

This just couldn't be the Homecoming Queen, Senior beauty, Co-Head Majorette and Miss West End!!!!

Or could it be true that I too, have gotten old along with my class mates.......

NAW....

Probably just a real bad mirror....

That's right....A DISTORTED mirror.............a Very BAD mirror!!

That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

I went back into the room with all of the old people and continued the evening...

I just never went back to the restroom!!!!

Mary Louise

 

Tuesday, October 26, 2004

THE QUICK, CHECK YOURSELF OUT COMPUTER AT THE STORE

O.K. Folks...

I'm back on the critique thing of the under 20 somethings....

I went to the store to buy a nice bottle of wine for dinner.

I decided to go through the fast, check yourself out place where there are 4 computer screens.

I touched the screen at all the right places. This is a snap, I thought until....

A big picture of a drivers licence showed up on the screen. Then,

I had to wait for a cashier to come and verify that I was old enough to buy the wine.

This cashier was in no hurry to get back to her post.

I could have gone through the regular line and got out of the store faster.

She finally assumed her position and surveyed the 4 computer check outs, where I had been waiting for about 8 minutes now. She was busy doing ....What??? I wasn't sure.

Finally, I said, excuse me but I think you need to push something so that I can buy this bottle of wine.

Oh yeah, she said popping her gum.

There I stood, old enough to be her Grandmother and she said....

Can I see your drivers license? My driver's license? I replied.

Now, it was 10 minutes at the quick, check out yourself line and I was getting irritated.

Instead of hunting through my purse to find my bill fold, to find my license for this under 20 something.......

I turned to face her...Using both hands, I pointed to my face...

Oh, she said, I guess you ARE old enough!

But... this snip of a girl didn't stop there...

You are really, really old enough! Then she smiled and hit the button so that I could finish my order and get out of there.

Now, it had been 14 minutes since I decided to go through the fast, check yourself out line.

Next time, I will look for an old cashier and go through the regular line.

Mary Louise

Monday, October 25, 2004

SOCIAL SECURITY

My sister, Barbara called me this morning to say that she has applied for Social Security!

How can that be.......

We just were 30 yesterday..or was that the day before?

No, it was yesterday...

Maybe, it was today...

No, it must have been yesterday.....

Or maybe, it was the day before yesterday...

It had to be yesterday..

I would remember if we were 30 today.

The days have begun to speed up to run together.

I can't remember if we were 30 yesterday or just the other day.

It must have been.....................

Oh Crap.......

We ARE Old!

ML

Saturday, October 23, 2004

THE COUNTER STRIKES AGAIN

I'm not sure why this bothers me so much but it does.

My counter was up to 480 and went back to 12. AHHHHHHHH!

Now, it is up to 26 and I feel better.

At least, I know that there are a few people who read this journal.

I'm not sure why you special people read it but...

Thank You!

All-right counter....

I'm taking you on!!!!  THIS IS WAR!!!!!!!!

M L

Thursday, October 21, 2004

DIRECTIONS TO THE HALLOWEEN BASH

DIRECTIONS TO THE HALLOWEEN PARTY.

Monday, October 18, 2004

Thursday, October 14, 2004

Tuesday, October 12, 2004

MEN AND WOMEN

HOW WE SEE OURSELVES.....

THIS IS WHAT A MAN SEES WHEN HE LOOKS IN A MIRROR......

 

THIS IS WHAT A WOMAN SEES WHEN SHE LOOKS INTO A MIRROR...........

WHY IS THAT???

COMMENTS??????????

ML

BUMPER STICKER

BACK OFF......

I'M A GODDESS!

M.L.

Saturday, October 9, 2004

ESTROGEN

I found a bumper sticker yesterday that my sister gave me one Christmas.

It say's....

I'm out of Estrogen...

AND

I have a gun!!!!!!!

I love that one!!!!

M L

Wednesday, October 6, 2004

I'm Old...Really Old!

I got an e-mail today from a friend.

Her daughter used to baby sit my two daughters when they were small.  I never thought about us being close in age because she looked so much younger than her age at the time. I guess, at that time, I would have let a 6 year old baby sit if it meant that I could go somewhere by myself!

I haven't seen this friend in a while so I was surprised when I got her mail.

She wrote...

M.L.,

Just thought that I would brighten your day.

Little Sherry was 50 years old yesterday!!!!!

AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

WOW...That news made me want to rush to the make-up counter and buy anti-aging creme.

Who woulda thunk it...

Little Sherry is 50!!!

ML

 

 

Tuesday, October 5, 2004

I am so thrilled today!!!

Gettin old is work and losing weight is work.

I have been on the South Beach diet for months and this morning.................................

TA DA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I was able to get into my size 8 jeans again!!!!!!

I LOVE this way of eating! A lot of vegetables, meats, fish and small amount of carbs.

I was carb addicted and thought I would miss them and I did that first 2 weeks but not anymore.

SIZE 8 JEANS again and I thought those days were over!!!!!

The first two weeks of the S B way of eating were hell but the pay off is GREAT and I don't even feel like I am on a diet anymore.

If you can get through the first 2 weeks...Your home free and the weight just falls off!

I might be gettin old but...

I am in a size 8 jean again!!!!!  WOO HOOOOOOOOOO!

ML

Monday, October 4, 2004

COLD WEATHER COMING TO OHIO

I have pulled out all of my sweatshirts, jeans and heavy shoes, boots, coats and hats.

I know it is fall because I had to change from my summer tennis shoes to the heavy winter ones.

Only problem...My feet are still cold.

My bones have already started freezing up and will not thaw out until May...possibly June.

I don't even like going to the mailbox when it is cold. It takes me 30 mintues just to dress for the adventure.

I am a Summer person, a beach person who lives in Ohio and simply gets through the cold weather and prays for a early Spring.

Though the snow is beautiful and I like it...I would rather be on the Gulf Coast, squint my eyes and pretend that the white sand is snow.

I'm already preparing my mind for the cold, grey days to come.

Like the little train...I think I can, I think can, I think I can.

M L

Wednesday, September 29, 2004

IT'S FALL...IT'S FALL COVER UP TIME!!!!

Thank goodness...it's Fall!

Time to put away the shorts, bathing suits and other clothes that are not flattering to a person of my age.

Bring on the long pants, the big, bulky sweaters, sweat shirts and coats!

I love this time of year because for 8 months...8 lovely months....I can cover my body and feel secure that no one knows what is under all of my layers...but me.

I start this time of year with a promise to myself to go to the gym regularly and whip my body into shape for next summer.

It does amuse people that I am still wearing my sweat shirts, long pants and big bulky sweaters well into June.

I only take them off when the sweat pours off of me and people start to point and snicker.

If I don't make it to the gym this winter...I may have to wear my wonderful cover up clothes way past the 4th of July. Who's to say that a long coat with a furry hood cannot be fashionable in July?

If people stare, I will just let them know that I am wearing all of these clothes to keep from paying for a sauna. 

I may just start a new trend for the over 50 crowd. The very people who saw me wearing my furry Parka this past summer.

Who knows, this July, I may just run into many women at Kroger's wearing long coats with furryhoods......................... and of course sandles to match!

Mary Louise

Tuesday, September 28, 2004

SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT!

 Larry La Prise, the man who wrote "The Hokey Pokey", died peacefully
 at age 93. The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into
the coffin. They put his left leg in. And then the trouble started

What if...

THE HOKEY POKEY IS....REALLY...WHAT IT'S ALL ABOUT!!!!!

M.L.

Monday, September 27, 2004

DISCIPLINE...THE NEW WAY!

There are always new theories for discipline.....

This one works very well on this child!

He had been fussing and whinning all day. Talking back and using curse words. His Mom & Dad decided that it was time for a car ride to discuss his behavior.

He is a calm, nice, behaving child today.

M L

Thursday, September 23, 2004

THE BEACH CRITIC RETURNS

WEST COAST CRITIC

In July, I decided to be the self-appointed beach critic of Santa Barbara, California. It was a thankless job but someone 50ish had to do it. I was critiquing the under 20 somethings as they strutted up and down the beach in Santa Barbara. I was there for 3 weeks so I saw it all and made notes.

 I sat on the beach covered from head to toe. I had on a big hat, sunglasses and umbrella chair. Beside me, I had my water and sun screen. I watched with a critical eye.

All that energy (sigh) where did it go???? I digress....

I was amazed that the girls were able to keep those tiny suits up while walking in high, high roller blades across the sand. Talking and saying "Oh Ma God" after every sentence.

EAST COAST CRITIC

The first 2 weeks of September were spent critiquing the under 20 somethings ( different coast) on Pensacola Beach in the panhandle of Florida.

The only major difference between the West and East coast under 30 crowd was their shoes and the way they talked.

The Pensacola young ones wore the tiny suits but not as tiny as the Santa Barbara under 20's.  The Florida group did not wear roller blades. They strutted around barefooted while saying, Bless her Heart or Bless your heart.

They also spoke with a soft southern accent and didn't say....Oh Ma God, Oh Ma God as the pitch in their voices went up an octive.

So there you have it. The difference between the West Coast swimming season and the East Coast swimming season.

Personally, I'm glad the swimsuit season is over.

When you are a 50 something...wearing a swim suit can cause  you to run screaming, to see a therapist....nothing major...just a little thing called....

 body image and aging.

Later,

Mary Louise the Beach Critic... signing off

 

Sunday, September 19, 2004

MY KNEE HURTS

I thought that I was so smart yesterday!!!!

We have put new carpet in the house and we also have a little dog who seems interested in marking his territory.

I decided, in all my wisdom, to put up what I call...Peco barriers.

I put two foot barriers from the kitchen to the foyer and also from the kitchen to the dining room.

That will keep the little guy from marking the new carpet...am I smart, or what!

I was in a hurry yesterday and  forgot about the Peco barrier.

I fell over the barrier into the kitchen. I braced myself with my hands and landed on my knees.

Thus...the sore knees but...

Peco has not been able to mark his territory so...

I WIN...I WINN...I WINN with just sore knees to show for it. 

Later,

Mary Louise

Thursday, August 26, 2004

LETS TAKE A NAP

THE WORD...NAP... SENDS CHILDREN INTO CRYING FITS.

 

THE WORD...NAP...SOUNDS LIKE HEAVEN WHEN YOU REACH 50!!!!!!

Mary Louise

Wednesday, August 25, 2004

WALKING THE DOG

MEET DOCTOR NICHOLAS ZHIVAGO

Doc is a Samoyed and we have had him for 8 years.

Every evening, my husband and I take Doc on a mile walk around our neighborhood.

We walk the same route and people along the way are accustomed to seeing us. They love Doc and like to pet his long, soft white hair.

Doc is a gentle giant who loves the attention.

The other evening, it was too hot for Doc to walk and I suggested that we take Peco, our 6 pound Chihuahua since we couldn't take Doc. Peco had never made the walk with us but was eager.

MEET PECO

We put Peco's leash on and started our walk.

People all along the way were making comments about the different size of our dog's.

Peco loved walking and pranced down the street like he was the biggest dog in the world.

We were almost home when a guy shouted,

Hey, What Happened to Your Dog????

With skipping a beat my husband called back...

Nothing, We just gave him a hair cut!

We walked on to roars of laughter!

Mary Louise

Monday, August 23, 2004

WELL...I MISSED THE BALL!

I can't believe that I missed the ball on Saturday night!

I had everything ready to go for the 10:00pm Ball....

PICTURE THIS....

 It was 7:30pm and I was getting ready. Running around like a crazy woman.

I had sat down on the edge of the bed to put on my panty hose and that's the last I remember until Sunday morning.

I should have taken a nap on Saturday afternoon because 10:00pm is late for an old person.

I woke up Sunday morning with one leg in my panty hose and to my disbelief...I had used my Ball Gown as a blanket!

I think that next year we should have 2 balls.

One in the afternoon for old people and the other at 10:00pm for the younger crowd!

I will get my ball gown pressed and hope the wrinkles come out. Heck, I might get my face pressed too and hope the wrinkles come out!

I know that everyone had a great time at the ball and maybe next year...I will too!

M. L.

Sunday, August 22, 2004

I NOW HAVE (TA DA)!!! 2 READERS!

I am thrilled! I have another reader besides CMOM23. I HAVE 2 FAITHFUL READERS NOW!  Thanks, CMOM23 for getting the ball rolling.

 My newest reader is                                                                                                 

TA DA......spurgins311!!!

Welcome to my journal, you two intelligent people.          Obviously, the smartest people in the Journal Kingdom.

Wow, I'm not sure that I will have room in my comments.... my journal is already this popular and I've only been writing it since March 2004.

This blows my mind...Only 5 months of writing and already 2 readers!!!!! I must be really good with writing! ( head blowing up)

I want my 2 faithful readers to know that I will try to up hold the standards of this journal and be the best darn writer in journal land.A writer who is trying to age gracefully while critiquing the under 30 something's.

I can do this... CRITIQUE I MEAN...I know that I can because I was a under 30 something many moons ago. I know how their minds work. The crafty little people who look at the 50 something's with disgust.

OPPS...I'm rambling...I have been told that 50 something's do that!!!

I will do better in the future because I don't want to lose my 2 faithful readers.

I have to go to Kroger's and find something for lunch now...

If I see anything interesting...I'll let you know. There will surely be some under 30 something's there.

Goodybye, My faithful 2 readers...until next time.

M L

Saturday, August 21, 2004

I'M NOW THE CRITIC AT KROGER'S PARKING LOT IN OHIO

I enjoyed my weeks in Santa Barbara. Especially critiquing the under 30 something's at the beach ( from the eyes of a 50 something).

I am back at home now in Ohio and alas...no beach but there is....

The parking lot at our Kroger's ( because there is a tanning salon there) and the parking lot at the mall ( many teens to 30's there).

The University students are all over the mall so it should be fun.  I'll keep you up to date on the fall fashions of the under 30's.

I figure that I can critique in both of those places because it seems that those places draw alot of the under 20 and 30 something's.

I'll let you know what I see.

PS...

We went out for breakfast this morning and as we were leaving the restaurant, I spotted a under 30 something talking on her cell phone in the parking lot. Man, she shouldn't have leaned over to pick up a piece of paper on the ground!  Maybe, she will wear underwear the next time that she wears that short skirt!!!  

Later,                            

M L

 

THE BEACH CRITIC...AT THE BEACH

THE BEACH CRITIC.... AT THE BEACH

I'm enjoying my last depressing visit to the beach in Santa Barbara this morning.  I leave for home in Ohio tomorrow morning. It is a place where people cover their bodies...even in the summer. I like it there!!!

I arrived at the beach with several things that would make me feel at home there.

I brought so many things that I needed a horse and buggy to take me to my spot where I could critique the beach babes and guys in action.

My place was set up and I began to scope the action of the under 30 something's.

What a sight to see from these eyes. Where do they get all that energy????

Beach volleyball is big here and I watched as the under 30 something's bounced around like they were on a trampoline and batted the white ball back and forth.

I just knew that the under 30 something females would surely lose their skimpy swim suits but they kept them on. Only by some higher power, I'm sure.

At the other end of the beach, many of the under 30 crowd were lifting surfboards high on their heads as they rushed to the water to catch a wave.

Don't these people ever walk anywhere?

Then, out of the corner of my eye, I spotted several other over 50 something's sitting under umbrella's, dressed in turtle neck cover-ups watching the under 30 something's too.

Could it be that we are reliving our youth as we watch all that energy run up and down the beach?

NAWWWWW!

I never had a body like that or could play volley ball or surf..

I'm just the beach critic for the under 30 crowd of Santa Barbara.

Hey girl...watch where you are walking in those tall shoes!!! Does your Mother know that the bottom half of your swim suit is too small and stuck up your **##**???   Funny, I don't think she even saw me..... she sure kicked up a lot of sand with those tall shoes.

The over 50 something males watched as she sauntered by. Their heads were spinning around like Linda Blaire in that scary movie...  They will need heart care soon because........

Here comes another one just like the other one!!!

Santa Barbara Beach Critic signing off.

Mary Louise

 

 

Wednesday, August 18, 2004

SMART OLDER LADIES

An older lady gets pulled over for speeding...

Older Woman:   Is there a problem, Officer?

Officer:   Ma'am, you were speeding.

 
Older Woman:   Oh, I see.

Officer:   Can I see your license please?

Older Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.

Officer:   Don't have one?

Older Woman:   Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.

Officer:   I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.

Older Woman:   I can't do that.

Officer:   Why not?

Older Woman:   I stole this car.

Officer:   Stole it?

Older Woman:   Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.

Officer:   You what?

Older Woman:   His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see.

The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.

   Officer 2:   Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please! The woman steps out of her vehicle.

 Older woman:   Is there a problem sir?

Officer 2:   One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.

Older Woman:   Murdered the owner?

Officer 2:   Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.

The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.

Officer 2:   Is this your car, ma'am?

Older Woman:   Yes, here are the registration papers. The officer is quite stunned.

Officer 2:   One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.

The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer.

The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.

Officer 2:   Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.

Older Woman:   Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too.

 
MORAL:
Don't Mess With Little Old Ladies

Tuesday, August 17, 2004

HAIR COLOR DAY

I have an appointment at 3:30pm today to get my roots colored.

I now have to do this every 4 weeks.

I can remember when I didn't have roots to cover.

Heck, I remember when I didn't have to cover up anything!

It's different now.

I wear a turtle neck, long sleeved cover up to the beach!

I love winter because I can cover up almost every inch of my body!

Gone are the days of peanut jeans, mid-drift tops and short shorts. Gone are the days of sleeveless dresses.

I just discovered that last week when I wore a sleeveless dress and my upper arm flapped in the summer breeze. The fat on my arms kept flapping even after the breeze had stopped! So, goodbye sleeveless.... anything.

I'll probably be looking for jeans with elastic waist bands soon and with a scosh more room in the bottom.

I have also noticed a little tummy pouch lately. It seems that my body is heading south.

I wonder if they make bra's with longer holders for the breast?

I'm gonna need those too.

AHHHH....I remember the good ole tight body, hard body day's but the memory is fading.

They are just a sweet memory but as my body ages...

I wouldn't go back to the hard body days because I like ME alot better now.

GOSH...It is true...

Youth IS wasted on the Young! Who woulda thunk it????

M. L.

 

Saturday, August 14, 2004

HEY... TO MY ONLY READER CMOM23

OK    MOM23NCA.....OR ANY OTHER READERS OF THIS JOURNAL IN THE UNIVERSE

 

I PUT THE PENGUINS BACK IN ALL ABOUT ME ANOTHER WAY.

CAN YOU SEE THEM NOW???

THEY ARE WAY TOO CUTE TO MISS!

ML

YEA....YEA!!!! I HAVE A READER!

YEA...I HAVE A READER!!!!!

THANKS  mom23nca.

I'M SPREADING MY POINT OF VIEW ONE READER AT A TIME.

IN A COUPLE OF MONTHS...WHO KNOWS...

I MAY HAVE 2 READERS!

AHHHH        SWEET VICTORY.

mom23nca HOW DO YOU LIKE THE PENGUINS AT THE TOP OF.. ALL ABOUT ME? CAN YOU SEE THEM?

ML

Friday, August 13, 2004

THE BAD COUNTER ON THIS JOURNAL

BAD COUNTER...BAD COUNTER!!!!!

The counter on this journal was up in the 300 and is now back to 0 and now 11.

It drives me crazy because people don't always...OK,NEVER leave a comment. I really think that I'm the only one reading this pitiful journal.

It's fun to write though because it is so different from my "Watching My Sister Disappear" journal.

I think the counter is playing with my head..It makes me think my words are being read and then BAM...the counter is back to zero.

Oh well, I'll keep trying to be funny for myself and forget the counter going back to zero all the time.

Is anyone out there???

If you are...is your counter playing with your head too???

Just wondering.

Mary Louise

Thursday, August 12, 2004

MAXINE ON GETTING OLD

YOU GOTTA LOVE HER!!!!   M . L.                   

 

Wednesday, August 11, 2004

GETTIN OLD

TIME FOR THE ANNUAL CHECK-UP!!!!!

 

GETTIN OLD AIN'T FOR SISSY'S!

M.L.

Tuesday, August 10, 2004

SANTA BARBARA BEACH CRITIC UNDER 30... UPDATE

This is a Santa Barbara Beach Critic Under 30 Something Update....

I told you, when I was in Santa Barbara that these under 30 something's in Southern California were really something!!!!

This under 30 something can hold up a entire Spanish Gallion with...Just his hand! WOW!!!

What a California Guy!!!!

 

Wait... Could it be......That's... my Son!!!!!

Good night from the over 50 something Beach Critic of Santa Barbara now at home in Ohio.

M L

 

Sunday, August 8, 2004

THE HOKEY POKEY......OTHER STUFF

WHAT IF...THE HOKEY POKEY  REALLY is.......WHAT IT'S ALL ABOUT!!!!

          

WHAT IF........

Mary Louise

Saturday, August 7, 2004

AMAZING WINDOW CLEANER....OTHER STUFF

WINDOW CLEANING MAGIC

 I HAVE FOUND THE BEST WINDOW CLEANER THAT I HAVE EVER USED!!!!!!!!

YOU'LL NEVER GUESS WHAT IT IS......

IT'S THE WASHER FLUID THAT YOU PUT IN YOUR CAR TO CLEAN THE WINDSHIELD.

I JUST CLEANED FLOOR TO CEILING WINDOWS AND THERE ARE NO...YES...NO STREAKS!!!

I SPRAYED IT ON BY PUTTING IT IN A SPRAY BOTTLE THAT I HAVE AND SQUEEGEED IT OFF AND FINISHED BY WIPING THE WINDOW WITH A PAPER TOWEL.

IT WAS FAST AND IS THE BEST THING THAT I HAVE FOUND FOR WINDOWS!

TRY IT AND LET ME KNOW IF IT WORKED FOR YOU.

MARY LOUISE

Tuesday, August 3, 2004

THOUGHTS

THOUGHTS...AUTHOR UNKNOWN

People who live in glass houses should make love in the basement.

 NEVER read the fine print. There ain't no way you're gonna like it.

If you let a smile be your umbrella....then most likely your bum will get soaking wet.

 

The only two things we do with greater frequency in middle age are urinate and attend funerals.

The trouble with bucket seats is that not everybody has the same size bucket.

 To err is human, to forgive....Highly unlikely.

Do you realize that in 40 years, we'll have thousands of old ladies running around with tattoos.

Money can't buy happiness...but somehow it's more comfortable to cry in a Porsche                                                  Than in a Hyundai

Living in a Nudist Colony takes all the fun out of Halloween.

After a certain age...if you don't wake up aching in every joint.........You are probably dead!

 

M. L.

 

Friday, July 30, 2004

THE BEACH CRITIC.... AT THE BEACH

I'm enjoying my last depressing visit to the beach in Santa Barbara this morning.  I leave for home in Ohio tomorrow morning. It is a place where people cover their bodies...even in the summer. I like it there!!!

I arrived at the beach with several things that would make me feel at home there.

I brought so many things that I needed a horse and buggy to take me to my spot where I could critique the beach babes and guys in action.

My place was set up and I began to scope the action of the under 30 something's.

What a sight to see from these eyes. Where do they get all that energy????

Beach volleyball is big here and I watched as the under 30 something's bounced around like they were on a trampoline and batted the white ball back and forth.

I just knew that the under 30 something females would surely lose their skimpy swim suits but they kept them on. Only by some higher power, I'm sure.

At the other end of the beach, many of the under 30 crowd were lifting surfboards high on their heads as they rushed to the water to catch a wave.

Don't these people ever walk anywhere?

Then, out of the corner of my eye, I spotted several other over 50 something's sitting under umbrella's, dressed in turtle neck cover-ups watching the under 30 something's too.

Could it be that we are reliving our youth as we watch all that energy run up and down the beach?

NAWWWWW!

I never had a body like that or could play volley ball or surf..

I'm just the beach critic for the under 30 crowd of Santa Barbara.

Hey girl...watch where you are walking in those tall shoes!!! Does your Mother know that the bottom half of your swim suit is too small and stuck up your **##**???   Funny, I don't think she even saw me..... she sure kicked up a lot of sand with those tall shoes.

The over 50 something males watched as she sauntered by. Their heads were spinning around like Linda Blaire in that scary movie...  They will need heart care soon because........

Here comes another one just like the other one!!!

Santa Barbara Beach Critic signing off.

Mary Louise

 

 

Thursday, July 29, 2004

WE ARE ONE YEAR OLD!!!!!!

CONGRATULATIONS

JOURNALER'S!

M. L.

 

 

 

 

Sunday, July 25, 2004

VACATION (PUFF.. PUFF)

I aM oN VaCaTiOn IN sAnTA bARbARa, cA.

I  am writing like this because.... I just climbed exactly 18 Spanish tiled steps to the top floor. That is where the computer is located.... in the bedroom.

This is a 3 story condo. I enter on the ground level and hold Very tightly to the wrought iron railing and slowly climb 15 steps to the living room, kitchen area.

The views of the Pacific make it worth the climb... That is, if I could catch my breath LONG enough to look.

I think of the steps as my personal stair climber.  I'm sure that these daily climbs will tighten anything that giggles before I leave to go home..

I am getting smart though. I now take every thing that I own downstairs.. so I won't have to make the trek back up stairs to get my glasses or something else. 

I went to a store and bought 12 pair of reading glasses at $1:50 a piece and I have placed on all floors and in all rooms.

I will let you know, when I write again, what it is like to be aging and vacationing in the plastic surgery capitol of the world....and never have had plastic surgery!  

I never knew that so many people under 30 lived here! And, all of the under 30 types wear tiny, tiny clothes and tall, tall shoes. They go to the beach in itty, bity swim suits wearing (You guessed it) Tall, Tall shoes...AND they manage to walk across the sand looking very much in control, while laughing and talking to other under 30 somethings in mirror outfits.

Tomorrow, I will truge to the beach in my turtle neck, long sleeved cover up,my big hat, my umbrella, chair, book and reading glasses and my sun glasses... Plus my bottle of sun lotion and my water.  I will critique the whole lot of them as they strut past my chair. I'll let you know what I see!!!

It is very windy at the beach so I  will need to stay covered.... Plus, I don't want to frighten the under 30 somethings and cause them to have bad dreams about their futures.

Later,  M. L.

Tuesday, July 13, 2004

The 5 stages of a female's life

 5 stages of a female's life

THE 5 STAGES OF 
A FEMALE'S LIFE



1. To Grow Up 
 
2. To Fill Out
 
 
3. To Slim Down
 
 
4. To Hold It In
 
 
AND
 

 
5.
To Hell with it

Monday, July 12, 2004

WHAT HAPPENED????

Inside every older person is a younger person -- wondering what the hell happened.

-Cora Harvey Armstrong-

Thanks ChickieCheese

Thursday, July 8, 2004

WORKOUT

    That's me in the white.

This was my workout this morning with some of my closest friends.

M L

 

Smiling is infectious,
You catch it like the flu

The picture went awayyyyyyy!!!!!

Sunday, July 4, 2004

THE COUNTER

It has done it again!!!!

I don't think anyone is reading this pitiful journal.

Is it because I am old?

Wait a minute...I'm not old...just well used.

M L

Wednesday, June 30, 2004

OUT OF THE MOUTH OF BABES

I was walking our dog, Doc. He is a big white Sammy. He has long beautiful hair that sways when he walks.

I reached a street where a little girl (about 6 or 7) ran out and asked if she could pet my dog.

Doc is a sweetheart with children and so I said; yes.

She petted him while she talked a blue streak.

She said, You know, I saw some other OLD people yesterday and they were walking a snow dog!!!!!!!

It was my husband and me!

And ...sigh...I thought that I looked so young and cute with my hair in a ponytail and wearing my short golf skirt!!

  Mary Louise

Friday, June 25, 2004

Getting Alzheimer's Disease ain't for Sissy's

My sister has Alzheimer's disease. Peggy is 54 years old.

Please visit my journal about her.

http://journals.aol.com/mlrhjeh/WatchingMySisterDisappear

M L

Tuesday, June 22, 2004

IT"S ME AGAIN

I thought that I would write big so readers wouldn't have to hunt for their glasses to read my entry!

The counter still bothers me!         I hear that obsessing is a part of old age!

I awoke this am with my lower back hurting. The mattress is a year old and was very expensive so it isn't that.

 My husband was up and down all night with a cold. He can blow his nose louder than a train whistle. I also was up and down because he was up and down.

So, I am tired this morning and my back hurts!

Just more of the pains of getting older. No sleep and back hurts.....

Hey...At least.....I'm still breathing!

M. L.

Saturday, June 19, 2004

THAT DARN COUNTER

It is down to 7 as I write.  What is going on with this counter????

I know no one wants to talk about or hear about approaching old age but  I never guessed that the counter was insulted!

 

M L

Thursday, June 10, 2004

THE COUNTER

Not sure why it bothers me so much but the counter on this journal keeps going back to 0.

It was up to 226 one day and back to 30 something today.

oh Well!

I just will never know how many people are growing old with me!

  Good night.

Mary Louise