Thursday, August 26, 2004

LETS TAKE A NAP

THE WORD...NAP... SENDS CHILDREN INTO CRYING FITS.

 

THE WORD...NAP...SOUNDS LIKE HEAVEN WHEN YOU REACH 50!!!!!!

Mary Louise

Wednesday, August 25, 2004

WALKING THE DOG

MEET DOCTOR NICHOLAS ZHIVAGO

Doc is a Samoyed and we have had him for 8 years.

Every evening, my husband and I take Doc on a mile walk around our neighborhood.

We walk the same route and people along the way are accustomed to seeing us. They love Doc and like to pet his long, soft white hair.

Doc is a gentle giant who loves the attention.

The other evening, it was too hot for Doc to walk and I suggested that we take Peco, our 6 pound Chihuahua since we couldn't take Doc. Peco had never made the walk with us but was eager.

MEET PECO

We put Peco's leash on and started our walk.

People all along the way were making comments about the different size of our dog's.

Peco loved walking and pranced down the street like he was the biggest dog in the world.

We were almost home when a guy shouted,

Hey, What Happened to Your Dog????

With skipping a beat my husband called back...

Nothing, We just gave him a hair cut!

We walked on to roars of laughter!

Mary Louise

Monday, August 23, 2004

WELL...I MISSED THE BALL!

I can't believe that I missed the ball on Saturday night!

I had everything ready to go for the 10:00pm Ball....

PICTURE THIS....

 It was 7:30pm and I was getting ready. Running around like a crazy woman.

I had sat down on the edge of the bed to put on my panty hose and that's the last I remember until Sunday morning.

I should have taken a nap on Saturday afternoon because 10:00pm is late for an old person.

I woke up Sunday morning with one leg in my panty hose and to my disbelief...I had used my Ball Gown as a blanket!

I think that next year we should have 2 balls.

One in the afternoon for old people and the other at 10:00pm for the younger crowd!

I will get my ball gown pressed and hope the wrinkles come out. Heck, I might get my face pressed too and hope the wrinkles come out!

I know that everyone had a great time at the ball and maybe next year...I will too!

M. L.

Sunday, August 22, 2004

I NOW HAVE (TA DA)!!! 2 READERS!

I am thrilled! I have another reader besides CMOM23. I HAVE 2 FAITHFUL READERS NOW!  Thanks, CMOM23 for getting the ball rolling.

 My newest reader is                                                                                                 

TA DA......spurgins311!!!

Welcome to my journal, you two intelligent people.          Obviously, the smartest people in the Journal Kingdom.

Wow, I'm not sure that I will have room in my comments.... my journal is already this popular and I've only been writing it since March 2004.

This blows my mind...Only 5 months of writing and already 2 readers!!!!! I must be really good with writing! ( head blowing up)

I want my 2 faithful readers to know that I will try to up hold the standards of this journal and be the best darn writer in journal land.A writer who is trying to age gracefully while critiquing the under 30 something's.

I can do this... CRITIQUE I MEAN...I know that I can because I was a under 30 something many moons ago. I know how their minds work. The crafty little people who look at the 50 something's with disgust.

OPPS...I'm rambling...I have been told that 50 something's do that!!!

I will do better in the future because I don't want to lose my 2 faithful readers.

I have to go to Kroger's and find something for lunch now...

If I see anything interesting...I'll let you know. There will surely be some under 30 something's there.

Goodybye, My faithful 2 readers...until next time.

M L

Saturday, August 21, 2004

I'M NOW THE CRITIC AT KROGER'S PARKING LOT IN OHIO

I enjoyed my weeks in Santa Barbara. Especially critiquing the under 30 something's at the beach ( from the eyes of a 50 something).

I am back at home now in Ohio and alas...no beach but there is....

The parking lot at our Kroger's ( because there is a tanning salon there) and the parking lot at the mall ( many teens to 30's there).

The University students are all over the mall so it should be fun.  I'll keep you up to date on the fall fashions of the under 30's.

I figure that I can critique in both of those places because it seems that those places draw alot of the under 20 and 30 something's.

I'll let you know what I see.

PS...

We went out for breakfast this morning and as we were leaving the restaurant, I spotted a under 30 something talking on her cell phone in the parking lot. Man, she shouldn't have leaned over to pick up a piece of paper on the ground!  Maybe, she will wear underwear the next time that she wears that short skirt!!!  

Later,                            

M L

 

THE BEACH CRITIC...AT THE BEACH

THE BEACH CRITIC.... AT THE BEACH

I'm enjoying my last depressing visit to the beach in Santa Barbara this morning.  I leave for home in Ohio tomorrow morning. It is a place where people cover their bodies...even in the summer. I like it there!!!

I arrived at the beach with several things that would make me feel at home there.

I brought so many things that I needed a horse and buggy to take me to my spot where I could critique the beach babes and guys in action.

My place was set up and I began to scope the action of the under 30 something's.

What a sight to see from these eyes. Where do they get all that energy????

Beach volleyball is big here and I watched as the under 30 something's bounced around like they were on a trampoline and batted the white ball back and forth.

I just knew that the under 30 something females would surely lose their skimpy swim suits but they kept them on. Only by some higher power, I'm sure.

At the other end of the beach, many of the under 30 crowd were lifting surfboards high on their heads as they rushed to the water to catch a wave.

Don't these people ever walk anywhere?

Then, out of the corner of my eye, I spotted several other over 50 something's sitting under umbrella's, dressed in turtle neck cover-ups watching the under 30 something's too.

Could it be that we are reliving our youth as we watch all that energy run up and down the beach?

NAWWWWW!

I never had a body like that or could play volley ball or surf..

I'm just the beach critic for the under 30 crowd of Santa Barbara.

Hey girl...watch where you are walking in those tall shoes!!! Does your Mother know that the bottom half of your swim suit is too small and stuck up your **##**???   Funny, I don't think she even saw me..... she sure kicked up a lot of sand with those tall shoes.

The over 50 something males watched as she sauntered by. Their heads were spinning around like Linda Blaire in that scary movie...  They will need heart care soon because........

Here comes another one just like the other one!!!

Santa Barbara Beach Critic signing off.

Mary Louise

 

 

Wednesday, August 18, 2004

SMART OLDER LADIES

An older lady gets pulled over for speeding...

Older Woman:   Is there a problem, Officer?

Officer:   Ma'am, you were speeding.

 
Older Woman:   Oh, I see.

Officer:   Can I see your license please?

Older Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.

Officer:   Don't have one?

Older Woman:   Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.

Officer:   I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.

Older Woman:   I can't do that.

Officer:   Why not?

Older Woman:   I stole this car.

Officer:   Stole it?

Older Woman:   Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.

Officer:   You what?

Older Woman:   His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see.

The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.

   Officer 2:   Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please! The woman steps out of her vehicle.

 Older woman:   Is there a problem sir?

Officer 2:   One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.

Older Woman:   Murdered the owner?

Officer 2:   Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.

The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.

Officer 2:   Is this your car, ma'am?

Older Woman:   Yes, here are the registration papers. The officer is quite stunned.

Officer 2:   One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.

The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer.

The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.

Officer 2:   Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.

Older Woman:   Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too.

 
MORAL:
Don't Mess With Little Old Ladies

Tuesday, August 17, 2004

HAIR COLOR DAY

I have an appointment at 3:30pm today to get my roots colored.

I now have to do this every 4 weeks.

I can remember when I didn't have roots to cover.

Heck, I remember when I didn't have to cover up anything!

It's different now.

I wear a turtle neck, long sleeved cover up to the beach!

I love winter because I can cover up almost every inch of my body!

Gone are the days of peanut jeans, mid-drift tops and short shorts. Gone are the days of sleeveless dresses.

I just discovered that last week when I wore a sleeveless dress and my upper arm flapped in the summer breeze. The fat on my arms kept flapping even after the breeze had stopped! So, goodbye sleeveless.... anything.

I'll probably be looking for jeans with elastic waist bands soon and with a scosh more room in the bottom.

I have also noticed a little tummy pouch lately. It seems that my body is heading south.

I wonder if they make bra's with longer holders for the breast?

I'm gonna need those too.

AHHHH....I remember the good ole tight body, hard body day's but the memory is fading.

They are just a sweet memory but as my body ages...

I wouldn't go back to the hard body days because I like ME alot better now.

GOSH...It is true...

Youth IS wasted on the Young! Who woulda thunk it????

M. L.

 

Saturday, August 14, 2004

HEY... TO MY ONLY READER CMOM23

OK    MOM23NCA.....OR ANY OTHER READERS OF THIS JOURNAL IN THE UNIVERSE

 

I PUT THE PENGUINS BACK IN ALL ABOUT ME ANOTHER WAY.

CAN YOU SEE THEM NOW???

THEY ARE WAY TOO CUTE TO MISS!

ML

YEA....YEA!!!! I HAVE A READER!

YEA...I HAVE A READER!!!!!

THANKS  mom23nca.

I'M SPREADING MY POINT OF VIEW ONE READER AT A TIME.

IN A COUPLE OF MONTHS...WHO KNOWS...

I MAY HAVE 2 READERS!

AHHHH        SWEET VICTORY.

mom23nca HOW DO YOU LIKE THE PENGUINS AT THE TOP OF.. ALL ABOUT ME? CAN YOU SEE THEM?

ML

Friday, August 13, 2004

THE BAD COUNTER ON THIS JOURNAL

BAD COUNTER...BAD COUNTER!!!!!

The counter on this journal was up in the 300 and is now back to 0 and now 11.

It drives me crazy because people don't always...OK,NEVER leave a comment. I really think that I'm the only one reading this pitiful journal.

It's fun to write though because it is so different from my "Watching My Sister Disappear" journal.

I think the counter is playing with my head..It makes me think my words are being read and then BAM...the counter is back to zero.

Oh well, I'll keep trying to be funny for myself and forget the counter going back to zero all the time.

Is anyone out there???

If you are...is your counter playing with your head too???

Just wondering.

Mary Louise

Thursday, August 12, 2004

MAXINE ON GETTING OLD

YOU GOTTA LOVE HER!!!!   M . L.                   

 

Wednesday, August 11, 2004

GETTIN OLD

TIME FOR THE ANNUAL CHECK-UP!!!!!

 

GETTIN OLD AIN'T FOR SISSY'S!

M.L.

Tuesday, August 10, 2004

SANTA BARBARA BEACH CRITIC UNDER 30... UPDATE

This is a Santa Barbara Beach Critic Under 30 Something Update....

I told you, when I was in Santa Barbara that these under 30 something's in Southern California were really something!!!!

This under 30 something can hold up a entire Spanish Gallion with...Just his hand! WOW!!!

What a California Guy!!!!

 

Wait... Could it be......That's... my Son!!!!!

Good night from the over 50 something Beach Critic of Santa Barbara now at home in Ohio.

M L

 

Sunday, August 8, 2004

THE HOKEY POKEY......OTHER STUFF

WHAT IF...THE HOKEY POKEY  REALLY is.......WHAT IT'S ALL ABOUT!!!!

          

WHAT IF........

Mary Louise

Saturday, August 7, 2004

AMAZING WINDOW CLEANER....OTHER STUFF

WINDOW CLEANING MAGIC

 I HAVE FOUND THE BEST WINDOW CLEANER THAT I HAVE EVER USED!!!!!!!!

YOU'LL NEVER GUESS WHAT IT IS......

IT'S THE WASHER FLUID THAT YOU PUT IN YOUR CAR TO CLEAN THE WINDSHIELD.

I JUST CLEANED FLOOR TO CEILING WINDOWS AND THERE ARE NO...YES...NO STREAKS!!!

I SPRAYED IT ON BY PUTTING IT IN A SPRAY BOTTLE THAT I HAVE AND SQUEEGEED IT OFF AND FINISHED BY WIPING THE WINDOW WITH A PAPER TOWEL.

IT WAS FAST AND IS THE BEST THING THAT I HAVE FOUND FOR WINDOWS!

TRY IT AND LET ME KNOW IF IT WORKED FOR YOU.

MARY LOUISE

Tuesday, August 3, 2004

THOUGHTS

THOUGHTS...AUTHOR UNKNOWN

People who live in glass houses should make love in the basement.

 NEVER read the fine print. There ain't no way you're gonna like it.

If you let a smile be your umbrella....then most likely your bum will get soaking wet.

 

The only two things we do with greater frequency in middle age are urinate and attend funerals.

The trouble with bucket seats is that not everybody has the same size bucket.

 To err is human, to forgive....Highly unlikely.

Do you realize that in 40 years, we'll have thousands of old ladies running around with tattoos.

Money can't buy happiness...but somehow it's more comfortable to cry in a Porsche                                                  Than in a Hyundai

Living in a Nudist Colony takes all the fun out of Halloween.

After a certain age...if you don't wake up aching in every joint.........You are probably dead!

 

M. L.