Friday, January 28, 2005

1975 VS. 2005

AUTHOR UNKNOWN

 

1975 vs. 2005

1975: Long hair
2005: Longing for hair


1975: KEG
2005: EKG


1975: Acid rock

2005: Acid reflux



1975: Moving to California because it's cool

2005: Moving to California because it's warm


1975: Trying to look like Marlon Brando
   or Liz Taylor
2005: Trying NOT to look like Marlon
  Brando or Liz Taylor

1975: Seeds and stems

2005: Roughage


1975: Hoping for a BMW

2005: Hoping for a BM


1975: The Grateful Dead

2005: Dr. Kevorkian




1975: Going to a new, hip joint

2005: Receiving a new hip joint




1975: Rolling Stones

2005: Kidney Stones




1975: Being called into the principal's office

2005: Calling the principal's office




1975: Screw the system

2005: Upgrade the system




1975: Disco

2005: Costco




1975: Parents begging you to get your hair cut

2005: Children begging you to get their heads shaved




1975: Passing the drivers' test

2005: Passing the vision test




1975: Whatever

2005: Depends




Just in case you weren't feeling too old today, this will certainly change things.
The people who started college this fall
 across the nation were born in 1986.  

They are
 too young to remember the space shuttle blowing up.

Their lifetime has always included AIDS.


Bottle caps have always been screw off and
plastic.

The CD was introduced the year they were
 born.

They have always had an answering machine.


They have always had cable.


They cannot fathom not having a remote
 control.

Jay Leno has always been on the Tonight
  Show.

Popcorn has always been cooked in the
  microwave.

They never took a swim and thought about
 Jaws.

They can't imagine what hard contact lenses
 are.

They don't know who Mork was or where he
 was from.

They never heard: "Where's the Beef?", "I'd
! walk a mile for a Camel", or "de plane, Boss, de plane".

They do not care who shot J. R and have no
idea who J. R. even is.

McDonald's never came in Styrofoam
  containers.


They don't have a clue how to use a
  typewriter.

Do you feel old yet?

Saturday, January 22, 2005

I'M GONNA BE A BEAR


In this life I'm a woman. In my next life, I'd like to come back as a bear.

When you're a bear, you get to hibernate. You do nothing but sleep for six months.
I could deal with that.

Before you hibernate, you're suppose to eat yourself stupid.  I could deal with that, too.

When you're a girl bear, you birth your children (who are the size of walnuts) while you're sleeping and wake to partially grown, cute cuddly cubs. I could definitely deal with that.

If you're a mama bear, everyone knows you mean business. You swat anyone who bothers your cubs. If your cubs get out of line, you swat them too.  I could deal with that.

If you're a bear, your mate EXPECTS you to wake up growling. He EXPECTS that you will have hairy legs and excess body fat.
Yup...gonna be bear...................Author Unknown

Mary Louise

Friday, January 21, 2005

SNOWING AGAIN AND MAYLA ANGELOU

It is snowing again! 6 inches yesterday and maybe, 10 tomorrow.

I have nothing more to say on the subject so I am adding this intereview with Mayla Angelou.

 

In April, Maya Angelou was interviewed by Oprah (on her show) for Dr. Angelou's 74th birthday.

Oprah asked her what she thought of growing older. And, there on television, she said it was "exciting."

Regarding body changes, she said there were many, occurring every day... like her breasts. They seem to be in a race to see which will reach her waist first, she said. The audience laughed so hard they cried. Dr. Angelou also said:


"I've learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow.

I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights.

I've learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you'll miss them when they're gone from your life.

 I've learned that! making a "living" is not the same thing as making a "life."

I've learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance.

I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands; you need to be able to throw something back.

I've learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision.

I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one.

I've learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone. People love a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back.

I've learned that I still have a lot to learn.

 I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did,  but  people will never forget how you made them feel."

Sunday, January 16, 2005

A SOUTHERNER MOVES NORTH

Well, it's snowing again!

Last month we got 20 inches of the white stuff. Today, reports say we could get as much as 4-5 inches.

At first I thought, How beautiful... but this morning, when I looked out at the blanket of white on the ground, I said....S**&$#@##**.

Enough is enough!   It is 18 degrees outside and I am cold to my bones. I hate to go out to the mail box.

I don't think my body will thaw out until May or June.

AND...what's with the snow plow people??? Don't they know that a person needs to be able to get out of their driveway???

I think that they get a kick out of blocking people in and secretly enjoy watching us try to get over the 2 foot wall of snow in our cars.

The snow is beautiful as it falls and it does cover the rain soaked ground but come on Northerners.....How do you stand the cold and snow all winter?

I will adjust..as long as I can get my car out and go somewhere this afternoon.

Just heard the rumble of a snowplow coming down the street. They are on the ball and the streets should be passable. I should be able to go somewhere today.

If .........I can get over the 2 foot wall of snow that now blocks my driveway!

ML

Saturday, January 15, 2005

SMOKING SECTION

HAVING A SMOKING SECTION IN A RESTAURANT                                            IS LIKE HAVING A PEEING SECTION IN A SWIMMING POOL! 

 

 

THINK ABOUT IT! (SMILE).

ML

Friday, January 14, 2005

ANDY ROONEY SPEAKS ABOUT US, LADIES!

Andy Rooney says:
As I grow in age,  I value women who are over 40 most of all.

Here are just a few reasons why:

A woman over 40 will never wake you in the middle of the night to ask, "What are you thinking?"  She doesn't care what you think.  

 If a woman over 40 doesn't want to watch the game,  she doesn't sit around whining about it.   She does something she wants to do.   And, it's usually something more interesting.

A woman over 40 knows herself  well enough to be assured in who she is, what she is, what she wants and from whom.  

Few women past the age of 40 give a damn what you might think about her or what she's doing.

Women over 40 are dignified.   They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant.  Of course, if you deserve it,  they won't hesitate to shoot you,  if they think they can get away with it.

Older women are generous with praise,  often undeserved.   They know what it's like to be unappreciated.  

A woman over 40 has the self-assurance to introduce you to her women friends.   A younger woman with a man will often
ignore even her best friend because she doesn't trust the guy with other women.

Women over 40 couldn't care less if you're attracted to her friends
Because she knows her friends won't betray her.   Women get psychic as they age.


You never have to confess your sins to a woman over 40.   They always know.

A woman over 40 looks good wearing bright red lipstick.   This is not true of younger women or drag queens.   Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 40 is far sexier than her younger counterparts.  

 Older women are forthright and honest.   They'll tell you right off if you are a jerk if you are acting like one!   You don't ever have to wonder where you stand with her.

Yes,  we praise women over 40 for a multitude of reasons.
Unfortunately, it's not reciprocal.   For every stunning,  smart,
well-coiffed hot woman of 40+,  there is a bald,  paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself  with some 22-year-old waitress.

Ladies, I apologize.

For all those men who say,  "Why buy the cow when youcan get the milk for free".   Here's an update for you.....  

 Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage,  why?   Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire
pig,  just to get a little sausage.

Thank You Andy...

You know me well!

M. L.




Tuesday, January 11, 2005

BECOMING MY PARENT

I struggled to get the Christmas decorations up this year and I'm not sure why. I love Christmas and all that comes with it!

I slowly put the decorations up. We had a late Christmas with our families coming in on January 1st.

Soooo....Here I am looking at all these decorations and thinking that I didn't think that I had put this much stuff out.

This morning, as I whined to myself about this huge job...I sat down and had a cup of coffee.

Then, I told myself that I could do it tomorrow.

Then, I said that my shoulders hurt and everything was too heavy.

Then, I sat down and had another cup of coffee.

As I sipped my coffee looking at the 24 piece Christmas Village, I thought....

Why M L. You sound like your children when they were teenagers. I have moaned, whined and put off my job of putting away the Christmas decorations.

I smiled to myself and decided that I would have....

TA DA....

 To become my worse nightmare...

I would have to become MY Parent!

I said to myself.

Ok, ML...No excuses..I want this place cleaned up, the decorations put away and I want it done today! I'm tired of your whining and putting off what you know should be done.

Now, get up and start......

Don't you roll your eyes at me, young lady and don't shrug your shoulders. You have a job to do so...

DO IT!

Boy, My parent was so mean this morning that I got busy and am making progress.

Sometimes we just need that inter-parent to get us moving!

OK..Parent...( man, what a taskmaster) I'll get off the computer and get back to work!!!

 This parent of mine is relentless!

ML

Sunday, January 9, 2005

GETTIN OLD

IF YOU DON'T TAKE CARE OF YOUR BODY~~~~~~

WHERE WILL YOU LIVE????

ML

Tuesday, January 4, 2005

GOING TO THE DOCTOR

You know that old age has got you in it's grip when you go to visit your Doctor and fall asleep while waiting for him to come and check you out!

I had blood work done and am waiting for the report.

I hope all is well inside of this body.

I have more sore places and pains than I did 5 years ago.

Where did youth go?

I don't want to go back to any age...I just want the strength that I had then.

Gettin old sure ain't for sissy's!!!!!

M. L.