Monday, February 28, 2005

HOW I CLEAN MY HOUSE

HOW TO CLEAN THE HOUSE  


1. Open a new file in your PC.  


2. Name it "Housework."  


3. Send it to the RECYCLE BIN  


4. Empty the RECYCLE BIN  


5. Your PC will ask you, "Are you sure you want to delete Housework permanently?"  


6. Answer calmly, "Yes," and press the mouse button firmly...  


7. Feel better?  

Thursday, February 24, 2005

LESSONS FOR A LIFETIME

My Grandmother was from the deep South.

She would tell me all kind of things while I was growing up like....

It isn't proper for a lady to whistle

Stand up straight and tall.

Never make any noice when you are eating or drinking something.

Speak in a soft, low voice with conviction. It makes people listen to you.

Don't only smile with your mouth. Get your eyes involved!

Always stand up for the things that are important to you.

Be a lady in all thing

I don't care how bad you are feeling...Wash your face, comb your hair, put on a little rouge and lipstick. You will feel better just by taking care of yourself.

My Mother and Daddy also gave advice along the way.

MOTHER...

Never be a boys proving ground.

Be as pretty on the inside as you are on the outside.

Always remember that good table manners are important. No elbows on the table, never throw bread, don't sing at the table, never reach across someones plate, keep one hand in your lap at all times during the meal. Always tell the person who prepared the meal...thank you.

If you have a day when you are feeling bad and tired...put the vacuum in the middle of the floor. If anyone comes..they will think that you are busy!

Always take care of your sisters and brother. Blood is thicker than water.

DADDY...

Drive your own race.

Use the right tools for a job.You can stuff a marshmellow in a piggy bank. BUT...when you get it in there...it won't look much like a marshmellow.

What ever you do in life, do the best job that you can. I don't care if it is digging a ditch. You dig the best damn ditch that has ever been dug!

So, You want to drive a car. First before you do that, I am going to teach you how to change a tire, check the oil and use a stick shift. You might never need those lessons and then again...You just might.

I was getting married and moving far away at 19 when my Dad gave me this info...

Now, you say you are old enough to get married. The first time you get really mad and decide to come home..know this...I will put your butt back on a bus and send you back! Work things out!

His Best advice was....

Be as kind and as interested in the person who picks up your garbage as you would be in the President of a large corporation.

Do a good job in everything you do AND....

Don't take no SH**##*&T off of nobody!

ML

Wednesday, February 23, 2005

THE OLD ME

Well, ( I had a teacher in school, who loved to say................. DEEP SUBJECT, when you started a sentence with...WELL)

WELL..........The old me is still here.

I had such high hopes the other day.

I have NOT gotten over the flu. Still dragging around so....

The New Me will have to wait!

I WANT SPRING!!!! Is it just me or has this been a VERY LONG and depressing winter to any of the 2 or 3 people who read this pitiful journal!!!

Another Grey, dull day outside and cold to boot!

I have every light in the house on and music blaring.

Just my way of getting through another grey day with flu symptoms.

ML

Monday, February 21, 2005

A NEW ME!

I have decided that I know what has been wrong in my life!

I have been using my body as a garbage dump!

Putting the wrong foods in and wondering why I don't feel better.

New Day has dawned.

I'm going to start eating the right foods and doing what I need to do to stay healthy.

I've had a lot of time to think while trudging through the flu.

I'm the only me there is!!!!

I'm the one who makes choices and I am going to start making wise choices.

Sandra Dee died!!!! I remember all of those beach movies and Tammy movies.

I wanted to be just like her and now, I know that I will be if I don't change the way that I am treating my body!

YEP...A new me is on the way!

ML

Sunday, February 20, 2005

A CARROT, AN EGG AND A CUP OF COFFEE

THIS WAS A WONDERFUL GIFT TO READ THIS MORNING!

I WANTED TO SHARE IT WITH ALL OF YOU!   ML

 

A carrot, an egg and a cup of coffee... You will never look at a cup of coffee the same way again.

A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up.  She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as one problem was solved, a new one arose.  Her mother took her to the kitchen She filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire. Soon the pots came to boil. In the first she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and in the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil, without saying a word.  In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners.

She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. 

She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl.
Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl.

Turning to her daughter, she asked, "Tell me, what do you see?" 
"Carrots, eggs, and coffee," she replied.

Her mother brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. 

She did and noted that they were soft.  

 

The mother then asked the daughter to take an egg and break it.  

After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard boiled egg.

 

Finally, the mother asked the daughter to sip the coffee.

The daughter smiled as she tasted its rich aroma.

 

The daughter then asked, "What does it mean, mother?"

Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity ... boiling water.  Each reacted differently. The carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting.  However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak.

 

The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior, but after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened.

The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water, they had changed the water.

"Which are you?" she asked her daughter. "When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?"

Think of this: Which am I? Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength?

Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat? Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a breakup, a financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff? Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and hardened heart?

Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain. When the water gets hot, it releases
the fragrance and flavor. If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you. When the hour is the
darkest and trials are their greatest, do you elevate yourself to another level?

 

How do you handle adversity? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?

May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human and enough hope to make you happy.  The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way. The brightest
future will always be based on a forgotten past; you can't go forward in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches.

When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling. Live your life so at the end, you're the one who is smiling and everyone around you is crying.

Saturday, February 19, 2005

GETTIN OLD...CELEBRATING WOMANHOOD!

 

I gave up jogging for my health when my thighs kept rubbing together and setting my pantyhose on fire.


Amazing! You hang something in your closet for a while, and it shrinks two sizes!




Skinny people irritate me! Especially when they say things like, "You know, sometimes I just forget to eat."


Now, I've forgotten my address, my mother's maiden name, and my keys, but I've never forgotten to eat. You have to be a special kind of stupid to forget to eat.




A friend of mine confused her valium with her birth control pills. She had 14 kids, but she doesn't really care.




The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing and then they marry him!



I read this article that said the typical symptoms of stress are: eating too much, impulse buying, and driving too fast. Are they kidding? That is my idea of a perfect day.


I know what
Victoria's Secret is. The secret is that nobody older than 30 can fit into their stuff.







 

Tuesday, February 15, 2005

THE FLU

I now know why my muscles were sore!!!!

Just got home from the doctor and I have the flu.

I feel like crap and look worse!!!!

There is not a place on my body that doesn't hurt.

My head feels like it's coming off!

I lie down and get up and lie down again.

I hope this doesn't last too long!

I am sick and I don't get sick often.

I'm a real baby and.....

I WANT MY MAMA!

ML

Sunday, February 13, 2005

SORE MUSCLES

I woke up this morning and everything hurts!

It feels like I have done a lot of exercise ( and we ALL know that isn't true).

Every muscle that I have hurts. It's not like the flu or that I feel sick. I just hurt.

I stretch and my muscles screme STOP!

What is going on????

It might be that I sat at the computer too long yesterday. I had to remove old programs and I also installed a new fire wall.

Or maybe......

I'm just gettin old!!!!

Nawwwww.

I'm too young to be old.

Nawww...

The mirror says that I am old.

Maybe, my insides are finally catching up with my outsides!

OH SHOOT......

I'm old! When did this happen?

ML

 

Wednesday, February 9, 2005

Exercise Equipment Room

I decided to put my shopping trip on hold.

Do you know that an IPOD cost $300.00 dollars? Whew........

Now, I need to find another excuse to stay away from the gym.

I am running out of excuses.

I have a brand new (5 year old) treadmill in my house.

I have every kind of free weight.

I bought one of those BIG balls.

I have the stretch bands.

I have the leg weights.

I have a jump rope.

I have the tap shoes.

They are in my "exercise equipment" room.

I just found out this morning that you have to USE them for them to work!

DANGGGGG.

I thought that just by buying them I could get in shape.

ML

Tuesday, February 8, 2005

The GYM or A NAP?

Yesterday, I told you that I was going to watch GMA, have another cup of coffee and think about going to the gym.

Well, I thought about it all day and surprise...the day slipped by and I didn't make it to the gym.

I paid a lot of money to join the gym. Oh yes, I had high expectations at first and then it just went away along with my money.

I could still blame my resistance on the 20 something's with the cute gym clothes but that isn't where the problem lies.......

Well maybe, some of the problem lies there but it is me.

I have the time now...For a long time I said I couldn't go to the gym because of the children, ect. Or the gym was too far away. But that excuse no longer exists. The children are grown and the gym is 5 minutes away.

So, I must dig deep to find out why I don't want to take better care of my body.

I might just be lazy.

I can now see big bucks for a therapist. A gym phobia therapist.

Maybe, I just Need to go Shopping and find a cute gym outfit to wear.

Maybe, a cool IPOD to take along so that I can work out to music.

I know, a new, colorful head band with matching wrist bands to wipe the sweat cuter.

Hey, I think that I will need new expensive sneakers with blue stripes and new soft, comfortable socks. I will also need tights to wear. They make your legs look smaller and they don't giggle as much.

Then, I must have a new swim suit to wear in the hot tub and pool and a new, plush towel. 

I will also need a case of bottled water so I can take one with me every day. All of the 20 something's have a bottle of water with them.

Let's see....Oh I know, one of those waterproof watches with a timer so that I will know how long to stay on a machine.

OK...My day is set...I am going shopping to buy cool stuff to wear to the gym. It will probably cost around $800.00 or maybe more. But it will be worth it.

Too bad that I won't be able to get to the gym today....

I will be shopping so when I do go to the gym...I'll look good!.

Maybe, I will go to the gym tomorrow!

ML

Monday, February 7, 2005

GETTING TO THE GYM

I am trying to get up the energy to go to the gym today.

Maybe, I'll just run around the block instead. It would be private, no 20 somethings to deal with...only dogs barking and secretly making fun of me.

What am I thinking??? I can't even walk fast on the treadmill much less run around the block.

In my dreams, I can still run like the wind.

In my dreams, I am able to leap tall buildings in a single bound...blah,blah, blah......

So what if I can't wear the cute work out clothes, so what if I am slower than anyone else in the gym.

So what if I keep writing in this journal until it is too late to go to the gym!

I think that I need some serious help in dealing with my gym phobia.

I have paid for  gym priviledges and I must go.

Yep, I must go.

I must go by at least 10:00am or at least 2:00pm.

I will put on my sweat clothes and march myself to the gym. I will become my own parent and make myself go today.

I sure will. Maybe, I can get there by 4:00pm.

First, I will pour myself another cup of coffee and watch Good Morning America and then...I will think seriously about going to the gym.

ML

Sunday, February 6, 2005

PEGGY...MY SISTER, MY FRIEND

My younger sister, Peggy is in the last stages of Alzheimer's disease. Peggy developed the disease in her late 40's and is 55 years old. She has a birthday on Feb. 13th and will be 56. She doesn't remember me or what a birthday is any longer.

I wanted to add this to my writing today............... It is a departure from my usual entries. Humorus and sad at the same time!

Thought for the day ......

There is MORE money being  spent on breast implants and Viagra research today than on Alzheimer's research.

This  means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boob's and huge erections and absolutely No recollection of what to do with  them!

THIS is a true and sad commentary on our society!

http://journals.aol.com/mlrhjeh/WatchingMySisterDisappear

ML

Friday, February 4, 2005

THINGS THAT HALLMARK CARDS DON'T SAY

THINGS THAT HALLMARK CARDS DON'T SAY..............Author unknown

M y tire was thumping.

I thought it was flat

When I looked at the tire...

I noticed your cat.

Sorry!

   - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

H eard your wife left you,

How upset you must be.

But don't fret about it...

She moved in with me.

   - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

L ooking back over the years

that we've been together,

I can't help but wonder...

"What the hell was I thinking?"

   - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

C ongratulations on your wedding day!

Too bad no one likes your husband.

   - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

H ow could two people as beautiful as you

Have such an ugly baby?

   - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

I 've always wanted to have

someone to hold,

Someone to love.

After having met you.

I've changed my mind.

   - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

I must admit, you brought Religion into my life.

I never believed in Hell until I met you.

   - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

A s the days go by, I think of how lucky I am...

That you're not here to ruin it for me.

   - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

C ongratulations on your promotion.

Before you go...

Would you like to take this knife out of my back?

You'll probably need it again.

   - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

H appy Birthday, Uncle Dad!

(Available only in Tennessee, Kentucky & West Virginia)

   - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

H appy birthday! You look great for your age.

Almost Lifelike!

   - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

W hen we were together,

You always said you'd die for me.

Now that we've broken up,

I think it's time you kept your promise.

   - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

W e have been friends for a very long time..

Let's say we stop?

   - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

I 'm so miserable without you

It's almost like you're here.

   - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

C ongratulations on your new bundle of joy.

Did you ever find out who the father was?

   - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Y our friends and I wanted to do

Something special for your birthday.

So we're having you put to sleep.

   - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S o your daughter's a hooker,

and it spoiled your day.

Look at the bright side,

it's really good pay.

Thursday, February 3, 2005

TIME FOR A TRADE IN.......

Time for a Trade-In:

If my body were a car, this is the time I would be
thinking about trading it in for a newer model.

I have bumps and dents and scratches in my finish
and my paint job is getting a little dull,
but that's not the worst of it.

My fenders are too wide to be considered stylish.
They were once as sleek as a little MG;
now they look more like my mom's old Buick.

My seat cushions have split open at the seams.
My seats are sagging.

Seat belts? I gave up all belts when Ben & Jerry's
opened a shop in my neighborhood.

Air bags?  Forget it.
The only bags I have these days are under my eyes.
Not counting the saddlebags, of course.

I have soooooo many miles on my odometer.
Sure, I've been many places and seen many things,
but when is the last time an appraiser factored life
experiences against depreciation?

My headlights are out of focus
and it's especially hard to see things up close.

My reaction is not as graceful as it once was.
I slip and slide and skid and bump into things
even in the best of weather.

My whitewalls are stained with varicose veins.
It takes me hours to reach my maximum speed.
I'm burning fuel at an inefficient rate.

But here's the worst of it: 
almost every time I sneeze, cough or sputter,
I leak oil.

I'm so ready for a trade in!
Anyone know where I can get a good deal? 

Author Unknown

 

ML<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /><o:p></o:p>

 <o:p></o:p>

 <o:p></o:p>

 <o:p></o:p>

 <o:p></o:p>

Wednesday, February 2, 2005

THE GYM...PART TWO

I went to the gym.............

Where did all those 20 somethings come from???

Aren't they supposed to be in school or at work?

I was so glad to see someone my age across the sweaty room! She was attempting to lift a 5 pound weight with both hands!

I went to the tread mills and started my slow walk when a 20 something got on the treadmill next to me and began a fast run.

How can she run that fast with that little strip up her butt?

It looks uncomfortable to me.

Of course, I had on heavy sweats to cover ever inch of my body and to soak up the sweat that was pouring from my body as I walked slow.

This little girl had earphones in her ears and was mouthing the words to a song as she ran at about 50 miles an hour.

I was gripping the side bars of the treadmill and puffing as I continued my slow walk.  I couldn't have sung a song if I had wanted too.

All in all it was a depressing visit to the gym, body image wise.

But hey, That little girl can only hope that she looks half as good as I do when she reaches my age. By the look of her tan (tanning booth).....She won't!

I held on to that thought as she bounced over to the bicycles and began her spinning class.

I thought about the spinning class but decided against it.

Very un-lady like!

 So I got the giant ball and stretched instead.

I got a glimsp of my stretching in the mirror. UH...NOOOO...

Very un-lady like!!!

ML

Tuesday, February 1, 2005

THE GYM

I have decided that it is time to go back to the gym.

I need to start stretching and using weights again. I have let my gym attendance go by the way side this winter.

Spring is coming and so are the shorts and bathing suits so I decided that it is time to whip this flabby body in some sort of shape again..

I may even hire a personal trainer, who knows.

I do have some dread going back to the gym though.

It's all the hard bodies who work out there.

They always look at this 50 something with pity in their little eyes.

Little do they know that they will be here too someday.

I never really thought about getting old when I was their age either. But one day, I woke up and SURPRISE!!!!! I was looking at my mother in the mirror.

I don't want to be 20, 30 or even 40 again...OK, Maybe, 40 but only if I could know what I know now.

So, Think of me tomorrow when I go to the gym.

I want to be the best that I can be right now and so far this winter...I an not doing so good. That will all change when I start my exercise routine again.

I'll show those youngans what a real woman is like!

I just hope I don't run into her!!!!!

ML