Tuesday, May 30, 2006

GOOD KNEE NEWS

My knee is a lot better. It almost feels normal again.

It is a little sore at the end of the day but nothing like the throbbing pain of a few weeks ago.

I think wearing the brace and time have made the difference.

Now...I have a new thing going on.

My ears!!!!!!! Life is like a beaver colony...one damn thing after another.

My ears feel stopped up and there is a loud noise going on all of the time.

It is driving me crazy because the sound never stops and gets so loud at night time.

Tinnitus is what my Doc said but they don't know why one gets it.

All I know is that it sounds like I have a sound machine in my head and it is turned on HIGH!

I try to distract myself and do pretty good during the day but at night!!!!!!!!!

I just want it to stop.

Does anyone out there have it and do you know any thing that I can do to make it stop!!!!????

ML

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

SAME SONG ...SECOND VERSE...MY KNEE

My knee continues to keep me up at night.

I'm not sure which is better...the brace or no brace!

The thing keeps sliding down no matter how tight I pull the straps.

I'm wondering if cutting off my blood supply to the knee is a good thing because the straps are so tight!

I have focused all my attention on my knee so now, I am looking for distractions.

I have new words to live by..............

PUT ON YOUR BIG GIRL PANTIES AND...

DEAL WITH IT!

Believe it or not...saying those words to myself help!

M. L.

 

Thursday, May 18, 2006

MY KNEE AND WORDS TO LIVE BY

My knee is in a brace from my thigh to my shin.

It does give me some stability when I walk.

The Doc said yesterday that he might have to do a scope and see what is going on in there.

I hope not.

It does hurt alot. I can manage the pain during the day because there are so many distractions. At night..it is the worst because it is only my knee and me!!!

ML

words to live by.... 
 
As we grow up, we learn that even the one
person that wasn't supposed to ever let you down probably will.

You will have your heart broken probably
more than once and it's harder every time. You'll
break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken.

You'll fight with your best friend. You'll
blame a new love for things an old one did.

You'll cry because time is passing too fast, and you'll eventually lose someone you love.

So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you've never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a.........

 
minute of happiness you'll never get back.

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

DO YOU FEEL OLD YET?

Just in case you weren't feeling old enough today, this will certainly change things. Each year the staff at Beloit College in Wisconsin puts together a list to try to give the Faculty a sense of the mindset of this year's incoming freshman.
  
   Here is this year's list:
  
   The people who are starting college this fall across the nation were born in 1983.
  
  They have no meaningful recollection of the Reagan Era and probably did not know he had ever been shot.
  
  They were prepubescent when the Persian Gulf War was waged.
  
  There has been only one Pope in their lifetime.
  
  They were 10 years old when the Soviet Union broke apart and do not remember the Cold War.
  
They are too young to remember the space shuttle blowing up. **
  
Tianamen Square means nothing to them.
 
Bottle caps have always been screw off and plastic. **
 
Atari predates them, as do vinyl albums. **
 
The statement "You sound like a broken record" means nothing to them.
  
  They have never owned a record player.
  
  They have likely never played Pac Man and have never heard of Pong.
  
  They may have never heard of an 8-track tape. The Compact Disc was introduced when they were one year old.
 
  They have always had an answering machine.
  
  Most have never seen a television set with only 13 channels, nor have they seen a black and white TV.
 
  They have always had cable.
 
  There have always been VCRs, but they have no idea what BETA was.
 
  They cannot fathom not having a remote control.
  
  They don't know what a cloth baby diaper is and they don't know about the "Help me, I've fallen and I can't get up" commercial.
 
  Feeling old yet? There's more:
 
  They were born the year that the Walkman was introduced by Sony.
 
  Roller-skating has always meant inline for them.
 
  Michael Jackson has always been white.
 
  Jay Leno has always been on the Tonight Show.

   They have no idea when or why Jordache jeans were cool.
  
  Popcorn has always been cooked in the microwave.
 
  They have never seen Larry Bird play.
  
  They never took a swim and thought about Jaws.
 
  The Vietnam War is as ancient history to them as World War I, World War II,  and the Civil War.
 
  They have no idea that Americans were ever held hostage in Iran.
 
  They can't imagine what hard contact lenses are.
 
  They don't know who Mork was or where he was from. (The correct answer ,by the way, is Ork)
  
  They never heard: "Where's the beef?", "I'd walk a mile for a Camel," or "De plane, de plane!"
  
   They do not care who shot J.R. and have no idea who J.R. was.
 
  Kansas, Chicago, Boston, America, and Alabama are places, not bands.
 
  There has always been MTV.
  
  They don't have a clue how to use a typewriter.
 
  Do you feel old yet?

Friday, May 12, 2006

Jasper and the Uncooked Yeast Rolls"

For everyone who has or has ever had a dog who eats anything and
everything in sight..*

"Jasper and the Uncooked Yeast Rolls"

            We have a fox terrier by the name of Jasper. He came to us in the summer of 2001 from the fox terrier rescue program. For those of you who are unfamiliar with this type of adoption, imagine taking in a 10 year old child whom you know nothing about and committing to doing your best to
be a good parent. Like a child, the dog came with his own idiosyncrasies.
He will only sleep on the bed, on top of the covers, nuzzled as close to my face as he can get without actually performing a French kiss on me.
Lest you think this is a bad case of 'no discipline,' I should tell you
that Perry and I tried every means to break him of this habit including locking him in a separate bedroom for several nights.

 
The new door cost over $200. But I digress.


                Five weeks ago we began remodeling our house. Although the cost of the project is downright obnoxious, it was 20 years overdue AND it got me out of cooking Thanksgiving for family, extended family and a lot of friends that I like more than family most of the time. I was, however, assigned the task of preparing 124 of my famous yeast dinner rolls for the
two Thanksgiving feasts we did attend.
I am still cursing the electrician for getting the new oven hooked up so quickly. It was the only appliance in the whole darn house that worked, thus the assignment I made the decision to cook the rolls on Wednesday evening to reheat on Thursday morning. Since the kitchen was freshly painted you can imagine the odor.

Not wanting the rolls to smell like Sherwin Williams latex paint #586, I put the rolls on baking sheets and set them in the living room to rise for 5 hours.
After 3 hours, Perry and I decided to go out to eat, returning in about an hour. An hour later the rolls were ready to go in the oven.

                It was **
8:30pm**.
When I went to the living room to retrieve the pans, much to my shock one whole pan of 12 rolls was empty. I called out to Jasper and my worst nightmare became a reality. He literally wobbled over to me.
He looked like a combination of the Pillsbury dough
boy and the Michelin Tire man wrapped up in fur. He groaned when he walked. I swear even his cheeks were bloated. I ran to the phone and called our vet. After a few seconds of uproarious laughter, he told me the dog would probably be OK, however, I needed to give him Pepto Bismol every 2 hours for the rest of the night.
God only knows why I thought a dog would like Pepto Bismol any more than my kids did when they were sick.

                Suffice to say that by the time we went to bed the dog was black, white and pink. He was so bloated we had to lift him onto the bed for the night.
Naively thinking the dog would be all better by morning was
very stupid on my part.  We arose at **
7:30** and as we always do first thing; put the dog out to relieve himself. Well, the darn dog was as drunk as a sailor on his first leave. He was running into walls, falling flat on his butt and most of the time when he was walking his front half was going one direction and the other half was either dragging the grass or headed 90 degrees in another direction.
He couldn't lift his leg to pee, so he would just walk and pee at the same time.
When he ran down the small incline in our back yard he couldn't stop himself and nearly ended up running into the fence. His pupils were dilated and he was as dizzy as a loon.
I endured another few seconds of laughter from the vet (second call
within 12 hours) before he explained that the yeast had fermented in his belly and that he was indeed drunk. He assured me that, not unlike most binges we humans go through, it would wear off after about 4 or 5 hours and to keep giving him Pepto Bismol.

               Afraid to leave him by himself in the house, Perry and I
loaded him up and took him with us to my sister's house for the first
Thanksgiving meal of the day. My sister lives outside of **
Muskogee** on a ranch, (10 to 15 minute drive).
Rolls firmly secured in the trunk (124 less 12) and drunk dog leaning from the back seat onto the console of the
car between Perry and I, we took off.
 
Now I know you probably don't believe that dogs burp, but believe me when I say that after eating a tray of risen unbaked yeast rolls, DOGS WILL BURP. 
 
These burps were pure Old Charter. They would have matched or beat any smell in a drunk tank at the policestation. But that's not the worst of it. 
 
 Now he was beginning to fart and they smelled like baked rolls.
 
God strike me dead if I am not telling the truth!
 
We endured this for the entire trip to Karee's, thankful she didn't live any further away than she did. Once Jasper was
firmly placed in my sister's garage with the door locked, we finally sat down to enjoy our first Thanksgiving meal of the day.  The dog was the topic of conversation all morning long and everyone made trips to the garage to witness my drunk dog, each returning with a tale of Jasper's latest endeavor to walk without running into something.
Of course, as the old adage goes, "what goes in must come out"
and Jasper was no exception.
Granted if it had been me that had eaten 12 risen, unbaked yeast rolls, you might as well have put a concrete block up my behind, but alas a dog's digestive system is quite different from yours
or mine I discovered this was a mixed blessing when we prepared to leave Karee's house. Having discovered his "packages" on the garage floor, we loaded him up in the car so we could hose down the floor.
 
This was another naive decision on our part.  The blast of water from the hose hit the poop on the floor and the poop on the floor withstood the blast from the hose
It was like Portland cement beginning to set up and cure. We finally tried to remove it with a shovel. I (obviously no one else was going to offer their services) had to get on my hands and knees with a coarse brush to get the remnants off of the floor.
And as if this wasn't degrading enough, the darn dog in his drunken state had walked through the poop and left paw prints all over the garage floor that had to be brushed too. Well, by this time the dog was sobering up nicely so we took him home and dropped him
off before we left for our second Thanksgiving dinner at Perry's sister's house.


            I am happy to report that as of today (Monday) the dog is back to normal both in size and temperament. He has had a bath and is no longer tricolor.
None the worse for wear I presume. I am also happy to report
that just this evening I found 2 risen unbaked yeast rolls hidden inside my closet door. It appears he must have come to his senses after eating 10 of them but decided hiding 2 of them for later would not be a bad idea

Now, I'm doing research on the computer as to "How to clean unbaked dough from the Carpet."

               And how was your Day?*


Thursday, May 11, 2006

WHERE TO RETIRE???????

 As we all know,  sometimes we come face to face with  the fact that it may be  time to relocate.  The big question is: where to?
Here are some tips.
 
You  can live in Phoenix, Arizona  where.....

1. You are willing  to park 3 blocks away because  you found shade. 
2. You've experienced  condensation on your back  side from the hot water in  the toilet bowl.
3.  You can drive for 4 hours in one direction and  never leave town.
4. You have  over 100 recipes for Mexican food
5. You know that "dry heat" is  comparable to what hits you in the face when  you open your oven door. 6. The four seasons are: Tolerable,Hot, Really hot and Are you kidding me!
 
 
You  can Live in California  where...

1. You make over  $250,000 and you still can't afford to buy a house
 
 2. The fastest part of  your commute is going down your driveway.

 3. You know how to eat an  artichoke.

4. You drive your rented Mercedes to your neighborhood block  party.
 
5. When someone asks you how far something is, you  tell them how long  it  will take to get there rather than how many miles  away it  is..
 
 You can Live in New York  City  where...
  1. You say "the  city" and expect everyone to know  you mean Manhattan.

 2. You can get  into a four-hour argument about how  to get from Columbus  Circle to Battery Park, but  can't find Wisconsin on  a map.

 3.You  think Central  Park is "nature,"

 4.  You believe that being able to swear at people  in their own language  makes you  multi-lingual.

 5. You've worn out a car horn.

 6. You think eye contact is  an act of aggression. 

You can Live in Maine  where...
 
1. You only have  four spices: salt, pepper,  ketchup, and Tabasco.

 2. Halloween  costumes fit over parkas.

3. You have more than one recipe for moose.

 4.  Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than  eight buttons.

 5. The four  seasons are: winter, still winter, almost winter, and   construction.
 
You can live in the Deep  South  where...
 
1. You can rent a  movie and buy bait in the same  store.

 2. "y'all" is singular and "all y'all"  is plural.

 3. "He needed killin' " is a valid defense.

 5. Everyone has 2  first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Mary Sue, Betty Jean, etc.
 
You can live in Colorado where...
 
1. You carry your  $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.

 2. You tell your husband to pick up  Granola on his  way home and he stops at  the day care center.

 3. A pass does  not involve a football or dating.

 4. The top of your head is bald, but you  still have a pony tail.
 
You  can live in the Midwest  where...
 
1.You've never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.

 2. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to  pass a  tractor.

 3. You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on  the same  day.

4. You end sentences with a preposition: "Where's my  coat at?"

 5.  When asked how your trip was to any exotic  place, you say, "It was  different!"
 
AND  You can live in Florida  where..
 
1. You eat dinner at 3:15 in the  afternoon.

 2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind -- even houses and  cars.

 3. Everyone can recommend an excellent dermatologist.

 4. Road  construction never ends anywhere in the  state.

 5. Cars in front of you are  often driven by headless people.

 6. The 4 seasons are:  tolerable, hot, really hot, and snowbirds.

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

GAMES FOR WHEN WE ARE OLDER

 
1. Sag, you're It.
 
2. Hide and go pee.
 
3 . 20 questions shouted into your good ear.
 
4. Kick the bucket
 
5. Red Rover, Red Rover, the nurse says Bend Over.
 
6. Musical recliners.
 
7. Simon says something incoherent.
 
8. Pin the Toupee on the bald guy.
 
!
SIGNS OF MENOPAUSE:
1. You sell your home heating system at a yard sale.
 
2. You have to write post-it notes with your kids' names on them.
 
3. You change your underwear after a sneeze.
 
OLD IS WHEN:
1. Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.
 
2. You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to
go along.
 
 
3. Getting a little action means I don't need fiber today.
 
4. Getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot.
 
5. An all-nighter means not getting up to pee!
 
Thoughts for! the weekend
! ! I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting
clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in
the first place!
 
 
When I was young we used to go "skinnydipping," now I just "chunky dunk."
 
Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press
'Ctr Alt Delete' and start all over?
 
Stress is when you wake up screaming and then you realize you haven't fallen
a sleep yet.
 
My husband says I never listen to him. At least I think that's what he said.
 
 
Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.
 
If raising children was going to be easy, it never would have started with
something called labor!
 
Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.
 
 
But Most Of All, Remember!
A Friend Is Like A Good Bra. Hard to Find, Supportive, Comfortable, And
Always Close To Your Heart!
 
 

Tuesday, May 9, 2006

DID YOU KNOW THAT.........................

Did you know that..... 
 


If you can start the day without caffeine,

If you can get going without pep pills,

If you can always be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains,

If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles,

If you can eat the same food every   day and be grateful for it,

If you can understand when your loved   ones are too busy to give you any time,

If you can take criticism and   without resentment,

If you can ignore a friend's limited   education and never correct him,

If you can resist treating a rich friend   better than a poor friend,

If you can conquer tension   without medical help,

If you can relax without liquor,  

If you can sleep without the aid of drugs,

 

 

 

 ...Then You Are Probably   The Family Dog!    



 

GETTIN OLD

Don't get old

Mildred, 93, was despondent over the recent death of her husband Earl, so she decided to just kill herself, and join him in death. Thinking it would be best to get it over with quickly, she took out Earl's old Army pistol, and made the decision to shoot herself in the heart, since it was so badly broken in the first place.

Not wanting to miss the vital organ, and become a vegetable, and a burden to someone, she called her doctor's office to learn her heart's exact location.


"Since you're a woman," the doctor said, "your heart is just below your left breast. Why do you ask?" She hung up without answering.

Later that night, Mildred was admitted to the hospital with a gunshot wound to her knee. 

Friday, May 5, 2006

TANNING

Now that I am older and have had a skin cancer scare...I am careful about putting on sun screen. I have never used sun screen but I wish that I had.

No more tanning booths for me even though I love to get that golden tan look.

So, I bought a tan in a bottle and put it on this morning.

I don't see results yet.

Maybe, by 5 pm...

I will have that orange glow that can only come from a can!

ML

Wednesday, May 3, 2006

EXERCISE PROGRAM



      Exercise Routine

      If you're over 40, you might want to take it easy at first, then do
      it faster as you become more proficient. It may be too strenuous for
      some.


      Always consult your doctor before starting any exercise program!



      SCROLL DOWN.............



































































      NOW SCROLL UP..

      That's enough for the first day. Great job.

      Have a glass of wine