Friday, December 21, 2007
Comments made in the year 1955..
"I'll tell you one thing, if things keep going the way they are, it's going to be impossible to buy a week's groceries for $20."
"Have you seen the new cars coming out next year? It won't be long before $2000 will only buy a used one."
"If cigarettes keep going up in price, I'm going to quit. A quarter a pack is ridiculous."
"Did you hear the post office is thinking about charging a dime just to mail a letter?"
"If they raise the minimum wage to $1, nobody will be able to hire outside help at the store."
"When I started driving, who would have thought gas would someday cost 29 cents a gallon. Guess we'd be better off leaving the car in the garage."
"Kids today are impossible. Those duck tail hair cuts make it impossible to stay groomed. Next thing you know, boys will be wearing their hair as long as the girls."
I'm afraid to send my kids to the movies any more. Ever since they let Clark Gable get by with saying 'damn' in 'Gone With The Wind,' it seems every new movie has either "hell" or "damn" in it.
"I read the other day where some scientist thinks it's possible to put a man on the moon by the end of the century. They even have some fellows they call astronauts preparing for it down in <?xml:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" />Texas ."
"Did you see where some baseball player just signed a contract for $75,000 a year just to play ball? It wouldn't surprise me if someday they'll be making more than the president."
"I never thought I'd see the day all our kitchen appliances would be electric. They are even making electric typewriters now."
"It's too bad things are so tough nowadays. I see where a few married women are having to work to make ends meet."
"It won't be long before young couples are going to have to hire someone to watch their kids so they can both work."
"Marriage doesn't mean a thing any more; those Hollywood stars seem to be getting divorced at the drop of a hat."
"I'm just afraid the Volkswagen car is going to open the door to a whole lot of foreign business."
"Thank goodness I won't live to see the day when the Government takes half our income in taxes. I sometimes wonder if we are electing the best people to congress."
"The drive-in restaurant is convenient in nice weather, but I seriously doubt they will ever catch on."
"There is no sense going to Lincoln or Omaha anymore for a weekend. It costs nearly $15 a night to stay in a hotel."
"No one can afford to be sick any more; $35 a day in the hospital is too rich for my blood."
"If they think I'll pay 50 cents for a hair cut,
Saturday, December 15, 2007
A MOTHER'S PRAYER ...
A couple invited some people to dinner.
At the dinner table, the mother turned to their six-year-old daughter and said,
"Honey, would please say the blessing?"
The daughter replied, "I don't know what to say."
The father told her, "Just say what you hear mommy say."
The daughter bowed her head and said............
"Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?"
Thursday, December 13, 2007
I saw my doctor but having gotten any of the test results back yet.
Hummmm...Does that mean that they are normal? Or he is just too busy to call?
If I don't hear by noon tomorrow...I'm calling his office.
I realize that I am not his only patien but I saw him on Monday night. I want to know what is going on.
Monday, December 10, 2007
I have a doctor appointment tonight. It was the only one that I could get!
We will go over tests results. I want to stop taking some of the med's that I was put on a year ago after I had the stint put in near my heart.
I don't tolerate medicine very well. One of the med's is making me feel very tired.
Now, which one????
I heard once that getting old ain't for sissies and now....I know that to be true.
I'm not old in years but am feeling very old.
I start and exercise program on Wednesday and I know that it will help a lot.
I can't wait to get started and lose some of the weight that I have gained this year due to the med's (that's what I tell people anyway).
I just want to feel normal again.
That is what I will ask Santa to being me!!!!!
Feeling normal, what a nice gift that would be!!!
Thursday, December 6, 2007
A man and woman had been married for more than 60 years. They had shared everything. They had talked about everything. They had kept no secrets from each other, except that the little old woman had a shoe box in the top of her closet that she had cautioned her husband never to open or ask her about.
For all of these years, he had never thought about the box, but one
day the li ttle old woman got very sick and the doctor said she would not recover.
In trying to sort out their affairs, the little old man took down the
shoe box and took it to his wife's bedside.
She agreed that it was time that he should know what was in the box. When he opened it, he found two crocheted dolls and a stack of money totaling $95,000.
He asked her about the contents. "When we were to be married," she said, "my grandmother told me the secret of a happy marriage was to never argue. She told me that if I ever got angry with you, I should just keep quiet and crochet a doll."
The little old man was so moved, he had to fight back tears. Only two precious dolls were in the box. She had only been angry with him two times in all those years of living and loving. He almost burst with happiness.
"Honey," he said, "that explains the doll, but what about all of this money? Where did it come from?"
"Oh," she said, "that's the money I made from selling the dolls."
Dear Lord, I pray for Wisdom to understand my man;
Love to forgive him;
And Patience for his moods;
Because Lord, if I pray for Strength,
I'll beat him to death.
Thursday, November 29, 2007
A TEST FOR OLD KIDS
Have some fun my sharp-witted friends. This is a test for us "old kids"! The answers are printed below, but don't cheat.
01. After the Lone Ranger saved the day and rode off into the sunset, the grateful citizens would ask, Who was that masked man? Invariably, someone would answer, I don't know, but he left this behind. What did he leave behind?________________.
02. When the Beatles first came to the U.S. In early 1964, we all watched them on The _______________ Show.
03 "Get your kicks, __________________."
04. "The story you are about to see is true. The names have been changed to ___________________."
05. "In the jungle, the mighty jungle, ________________."
06. After the Twist, The Mashed Potato, and the Watusi, we "danced" under a stick that was lowered as low as we could go in a dance called the "_____________."
07. "N_E_S_T_L_E_S", Nestle's makes the very best . . . . . _______________."
08. Satchmo was America 's "Ambassador of Goodwill." Our parents shared this great jazz trumpet player with us. His name was _________________.
09. What takes a licking and keeps on ticking? _______________.
10. Red Skelton's hobo character was named __________________ and Red always ended his television show by saying, "Good Night, and "________ ________".
11. Some Americans who protested the Vietnam War did so by burning their______________.
12. The cute little car with the engine in the back and the trunk in the front was called the VW . What other names did it go by? ____________ & _______________.
13. In 1971, singer Don MacLean sang a song about, "the day the music died. "This was a tribute to ___________________.
14. We can remember the first satellite placed into orbit. The Russians did it. It was called ______________ _____.
15. One of the big fads of the late 50's and 60's was a large plastic ring that we twirled around our waist. It was called the ________________.
01. The Lone Ranger left behind a silver bullet.
02. The Ed Sullivan Show
03. On Route 66
04. To protect the innocent.
05. The Lion Sleeps Tonight
06. The limbo
08 Louis Armstrong
09. The Timex watch
10. Freddy, The Freeloader and "Good Night and God Bless."
11. Draft cards (Bras were also burned. Not flags, as some have guessed)
12. Beetle or Bug
13. Buddy Holly
Sunday, November 18, 2007
Saturday, November 17, 2007
I fought through a crowded grocery store tonight.
I bought everything that I need to cook Thanksgiving dinner.
I spent enough money to take everyone, who will be here...
out to dinner about 8 or 10 times!
I will start preparations for the dinner on Monday and finish on Thursday.
It will take about 45 minutes to eat the dinner that it took
4 days to prepare.
Is it worth doing all of this????
You bet it is.......
I'm in charge of memories for the years to come.
One day, my children will talk about my Thanksgiving
dinner like I talk about my Grand Mother's and especially my Mothers.
I have become the Thanksgiving memory maker for our family.
It is a pretty important job and worthy of 4 days of preparation.
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
Many of us "Old Folks" (those over 50, WAY over 50 or hovering near 50) are quite confused about how we should present ourselves. We're unsure about the kind of image we are projecting and whether or not we are correct as we try to conform to current fashions. Despite what you may have seen on the streets, the following combinations DO NOT go together and should be avoided:
1. A nose ring and bifocals
2. Spiked hair and bald spots
3. A pierced tongue and dentures
4. Minis skirts and support hose
5. Ankle bracelets and corn pads
6. Speedo's and cellulite
7. A belly button ring and a gall bladder surgery scar
8. Unbuttoned disco shirts and a heart monitor
9. Midriff shirts and a midriff bulge
10. Bikinis and liver spots
11. Short shorts and varicose veins
12. Inline skates and a walker
13. Thongs and Depends
Please keep these basic guidelines foremost in your mind when you shop.
Saturday, November 10, 2007
I had a stent placed in an artery near my heart in February. The Doc says everything is fine but...
I still experience chest pain from time to time.
I have had fleeting pain during the day but it is mostly late at night.
It scares me so bad!
I have only taken 1/2 if a Nitro once.
The Doc says the pain is not from my heart....
I just wish that I knew for sure. I am having trouble sleeping and have tried everything but still sleep in 2 hour increments. I dread going to sleep.
I see him again in February 2008 for the yearly heart check.
This has been a scary year. I feel that I have been walking on egg shells.
I have not really done my part with diet and exercise so that may be where the fright comes from...
I just want to feel normal again!
Any one with stents out there???
How are you coping???
Monday, October 22, 2007
THE NEXT SURVIVOR SERIES
Six married men will be dropped on an island with one car and 3 kids each
for six weeks.
Each kid will play two sports and either take music or dance classes.
There is no fast food.
Each man must take care of his 3 kids; keep his assigned house clean,
correct all homework, complete science projects, cook, do laundry, and pay a
list of "pretend" bills with not enough money.
In addition, each man will have to budget in money for groceries each week.
Each man must remember the birthdays of all their friends and relatives, and
send cards out on time.
Each man must also take each child to a doctor's appointment, a dentist
appointment and a haircut appointment . He must make one unscheduled and
inconvenient visit per child to the Urgent Care (weekend, evening, on a
holiday or right when they're about to leave for vacation). He must also
make cookies or cupcakes for a social function.
Each man will be responsible for decorating his own assigned house, planting
flowers outside and keeping it presentable at all times.
The men will only have access to television when the kids are asleep and all
chores are done.
Each father will be required to know all of the words to every stupid song
that comes on TV and the name of each and every character on cartoons.
Each man will have to make an Indian hut model with six toothpicks, a
tortilla and one marker; and get a 4 year old to eat a serving of peas.
Each man must adorn himself with jewelry, wear uncomfortable yet stylish
shoes, keep their nails polished and eyebrows groomed. The men must try to
get through each day without snot, spit-up or barf on their clothing.
D uring one of the six weeks, the men will have to endure severe abdominal
cramps, back aches, and have extreme, unexplained mood swings but never once
complain or slow down from other duties. They must try to explain what a
tampon is for when the 6-yr old boy finds it in the purse.
They must attend weekly school meetings, church, and find time at least once
to spend the afternoon at the park or a similar setting.
He will need to read a book to the children each night without falling
asleep, and then feed them, dress them, brush their teeth and comb their
hair each morning by 7:00. They must leave the home with no food on their
face or clothes.
A test will be given at the end of the six weeks, and each father will be
required to know all of the following information: each child's birthday,
height, weight, shoe size, clothes size and doctor's name.
Also the child's weight at birth, length, time of birth, and length of
labor, each child's favorite colour, middle name, favorite snack, favorite
song, favorite drink, favorite toy, biggest fear and what they want to be
when they grow up.
They must clean up after their sick children at 2:00 a.m. and then spend the
remainder of the day tending to that child and waiting on them hand and foot
until they are better.
They must have a loving, age appropriate reply to, "You're not the boss of
The kids vote them off the island based on performance. The last man wins
only if...he still has enough energy to be intimate with his spouse at a
Sunday, October 21, 2007
Thursday, October 18, 2007
THE YEAR 1907
This will boggle your mind, I know it did mine!
The year is 1907.
One hundred years ago.
What a difference a century makes!
Here are some of the U.S. Statistics for the Year 1907 :
The average life expectancy in the U.S. Was 47 years old.
Only 14 percent of the homes in the U.S Had a bathtub.
Only 8 percent of the homes had a telephone.
A three-minute call from Denver to New York City
Cost eleven dollars.
There were only 8,000 cars in the U.S. , and only 144 miles of paved roads.
The maximum speed limit in most cities was 10 mph.
Alabama, Mississippi, Iowa, and Tennessee were each more
Heavily populated than California
With a mere 1.4 million people, California was only the 21st
Most populous state in the Union
The tallest structure in the world was the Eiffel Tower !
The average wage in the U.S. Was 22 Cents per hour.
The average U.S. Worker made between $200 and $400 per year
A competent accountant could expect to earn $2000 per year,
A dentist made $2,500 per year,
A veterinarian $1,500 per year,
And a mechanical engineer about $5,000 per year.
More than 95 percent of all births in the U.S. Took place at HOME .
Ninety percent of all U.S. Doctors had NO COLLEGE EDUCATION!
Instead, they attended so-called medical schools, many of which
Were condemned in the press AND the government as "substandard."
cents a pound.
Sugar cost four
Eggs were fourteen cents a dozen.
poor people from
Coffee was fifteen cents a pound.
Most women only washed their hair once a month , and used
Borax or egg yolks for shampoo.
Canada passed a law that prohibited
Entering into their country for any reason.
Five leading causes of death in the U.S. Were:
1. Pneumonia and influenza
4. Heart disease
The American flag had 45 stars.
Arizona, Oklahoma, New Mexico, Hawaii, and
Alaska hadn't been admitted to the Union yet.
The population of Las Vegas , Nevada , was only 30!!!!
Crossword puzzles, canned beer, and ice tea
Hadn't been invented yet.
There was no Mother's Day or Father's Day.
Two out of every 10 U.S. Adults couldn't read or write.
Only 6 percent of all Americans had graduated from high school
Marijuana, heroin, and morphine were all available over
The counter at the local corner drugstores. Back then pharmacists
said, "Heroin clears the complexion, gives buoyancy to the mind
regulates the stomach and bowels, and is, in fact, a perfect guardian o f health."
There were about 230 reported Murders in the ENTIRE U.S.A. !
WHAT WILL IT BE LIKE IN THE NEXT 100 YEARS??????
Sunday, October 14, 2007
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
Tomorrow at 10:00 am....I have a root canal on my bad tooth.
I'm not looking forward to it but I am, if that makes sense.
I must admit that I am nervous because I had a bad experience with a root canal in the past.
So, think about me tomorrow....All 2 or 3 of you who read this journal!
I'll let you both know how it went tomorrow night.
Friday, October 5, 2007
I have an abscessed back tooth and an ear infection on the same side.
Doc's...Primary care and Dentist have put me on antibiotics and I will have a root canal.
It has and continues to be a learning experience.
I am learning to say very bad words, moan, holler and cry.
At least, this can be fixed!
Sunday, September 30, 2007
I have a bridge in my mouth.
The back tooth that it was attached to started to hurt. I went to the dentist and he removed the bridge and sure enough...it looks like I need to have a root canal done on that back tooth!
The dentist put in a temporary bridge and I go back on the 8th of October. After he cleaned and sealed the back tooth, it quit hurting but last night and tonight, the pain is back...BIG time!
I just put a heating pad on my jaw and took a T 8 hour for the pain.
Looks like it might be a long night!
I will call the dentist first thing in the morning.
Wow, I forgot how bad a tooth ache can feel.
I know that I am whining.....I try to remember all of the people who are hurting and in severe pain tonight with no one to call in the morning to fix the pain!
I am lucky tonight but...
darrrrrnnnn this tooth ache hurts!
Whiner signing off.
Sunday, September 16, 2007
Sunday, September 2, 2007
I am very proud of myself.
I have started walking again. I walk a mile a day and will eventually get back to the 3 mile walks of the past.
It is hard to get back in the rhythm of doing this for myself. I enjoy walking once I get started.
It is just hard to get started and even harder to stay motivated!
A stent placed in a 100% blocked artery in my heart is my motivation.
It's interesting that when I walk...I feel younger!
I am not old but was feeling old and stiff when I started my quest to a healthier me.
Now, I have a slight back ache and sore ( unused muscles) but the stiffness and soreness will go away.
I want to feel good physically and be active again and I can...It is all up to me.
I heard this once....
IF YOU DON'T TAKE CARE OF YOUR BODY...................
WHERE WILL YOU LIVE?????????????
Sunday, August 26, 2007
(written after she found out she was dying from cancer).
I would have gone to bed when I was sick instead of pretending the
earth would go into a holding pattern if I weren't there for the day.
I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it
melted in storage.
I would have talked less and listened more.
I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was
stained, or the sofa faded.
I would have eaten the popcorn in the 'good' living room and worried
much less about the dirt when someone wanted to light a fire in the
I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather ramble about
I would have made my husband share more of the responsibility I
I would never have insisted the car windows be rolled up on a summer
day because my hair had just been teased and sprayed.
I would have sat on the lawn with my grass stains.
I would have cried and laughed less while watching television and
more while watching life.
I would never have bought anything just because it was practical,
wouldn't show soil, or was guaranteed to last a lifetime.
Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I'd have cherished
every moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the
only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.
When my kids kissed me impetuously, I would never have said, "Later.
Now go get washed up for dinner." There would have been more "I love you's"
More "I'm sorry's."
But mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every
minute...look at it and really see it. Live it and never give it back.
Friday, August 24, 2007
Just in case you weren't feeling too old today, this will certainly change things.
The people who are starting college this fall across the nation were born in 1987. They are too young to remember the space shuttle blowing up.
Their lifetime has always included AIDS.
The CD was introduced the year they were born.
They have always had an answering machine.
They have always had cable.
Jay Leno has always been on the Tonight Show.
Popcorn has always been cooked in the microwave.
They never took a swim and thought about Jaws!
They don't know who Mork was or where he was from.
They never heard: 'Where's the Beef?', 'I'd walk a mile for a Camel', or 'de plane, Boss, de plane'.
McDonald's never came in Styrofoam containers.
They don't have a clue how to use a typewriter.
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
Q. Where can women over the age of 60 find young, sexy men, who are interested in them?
A: Try a bookstore under fiction.
Q: What can a man do while his wife is going through menopause?
A: Keep busy. If you're handy with tools, you can finish the basement. When you are done, you will have a place to live.
Q: How can you increase the heart rate of your 60+ year old husband?
A: Tell him you're pregnant.
Q: How can you avoid spotting a wrinkle every time you walk by a mirror?
A: The next time you're in front of a mirror, take off your glasses.
Q: Why should 60+ year old people use valet parking?
A: Valets don't forget where they park your car.
Q: Is it common for 60+ year olds to have problems with short term memory storage?
A: Storing memory is not a problem, retrieving it is a problem.
Q: As people age, do they sleep more soundly?
A: Yes, but usually in the afternoon.
Q: Where do 60+ year olds look for fashionable glasses?
A: Their foreheads.
Q: What is the most common remark made by 60+ year olds when they enter antique stores?
A: "I remember these."
Sunday, August 19, 2007
Friday, August 3, 2007
You are in the middle of some kind of project around the house, mowing the lawn, putting a new fence in, painting the living room or whatever. You are hot and sweaty. You are covered in dirt or paint. You have your old work clothes on. You know the outfit, shorts with a hole in the crotch, old t-shirt with a stain from who knows what and an old pair of shoes.
Right in the middle of this great home improvement project you realize you need to run to Wal-Mart to get something required to complete the job. Depending on your age you might do the following:
IN YOUR 20's
Stop what you are doing. Shave, take a shower, blow dry your hair, brush your teeth, floss and put on clean clothes. Check yourself in the mirror and flex. Add a dab of your favorite cologne because you never know, you just might meet some hot chick while standing in the checkout lane. You went to school with the pretty young girl running the register.
IN YOUR 30's
Stop what you are doing, put on clean shorts and shirt. Change shoes. You married the hot chick so no need for much more. Wash your hands and comb your hair. Check yourself in the mirror, still got it. Add a shot of your favorite cologne to cover the smell. The cute girl running the register is the kid sister of someone you went to school with.
IN YOUR 40's
Stop what you are doing. Put on a sweatshirt that is long enough to cover the hole in the crotch of your shorts. Put on different shoes and a hat. Wash your hands. Your bottle of Brute Cologneis almost empty so you don't want to waste any of it on a trip to Wal-Mart. Check yourself in the mirror and do more sucking than flexing. The spicy young thing running the register is your daughter's age and you feel weird thinking she is spicy.
IN YOUR 50's
Stop what you are doing. Put on a hat; wipe the dirt off your hands and onto your shirt. Change shoes because you don't what to get dirt in your new sports car. Check yourself in the mirror and you swear not to wear that shirt anymore because it makes you look fat. The cutie running the resister smiles when she sees you coming and you think you still have it. Then you remember the hat you have on is from a buddy's bait shop and it says "I Got Worms".
IN YOUR 60's
Stop what you are doing. No need for the hat anymore. Hose the dog crap off your shoes. The mirror was shattered when you were in your 50's. You hope you have underwear on so nothing hangs out the hole in your pants. The girl running the register may be cute but you don't have your glasses on so you are not sure.
IN YOUR 70's
Stop what you are doing. Wait to go to Wal-Mart until they have your prescriptions ready too. Don't even notice the dog crap on your shoes. The young thing at the register smiles at you because you remind her of her grandfather.
IN YOUR 80's
Stop what you are doing. Start again. Stop again. Now you remember that you needed to go to Wal-Mart. Go to Wal-Mart and wonder around trying to think of what it is you are looking for. The old lady that greeted you at the front door went to school with you.
Tuesday, July 31, 2007
Recently, I was diagnosed with A.A.A.D.D. - Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder.
Wednesday, July 18, 2007
> 1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
> 2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
> 3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
> 4. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
> 5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
> 6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
> 7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
> 8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
> 9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
> 10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
> 11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
> 12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.
> 13. Don't compare your life to others.You have no idea what their journey is all about.
> 14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
> 15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.
> 16. Life is too short for long pity parties. Get busy living, or get busy dying.
> 17. You can get through anything if you stay put in today.
> 18. A writer writes.If you want to be a writer, write.
> 19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.
> 20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.
> 21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion.Today is special.
> 22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.
> 23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.
> 24. The most important sex organ is the brain.
> 25. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
> 26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: "In five years, will this matter?"
> 27. Always choose life.
> 28. Forgive everyone everything.
> 29. What other people think of you is none of your business.
> 30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.
> 31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
> 32. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.
> 33. Believe in miracles.
> 34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.
> 35. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
> 36. Growing old beats the alternative — dying young.
> 37. Your children get only one childhood. Make it memorable.
> 38. Read the Psalms.They cover every human emotion.
> 39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
> 40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.
> 41. Don't audit life.Show up and make the most of it now.
> 42. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful , or joyful.
> 43. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
> 44. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
> 45. The best is yet to come.
> 46. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up, and show up.
> 47. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
> 48. If you don't ask, you don't get.
> 49. Yield.
> 50. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.
> Those who matter don't judge me....those who judge me don't matter."
Monday, July 2, 2007
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
> A doctor buys a new Ferrari GTO the most expensive car in the
> world, and it costs $500,000. He takes it out for a spin and stops at a
> red light.
> An old man on a Moped, looking about 100 years old, pulls up next to
> him. The old man looks over at the sleek shiny car and asks, "What kind
> of car ya got there, sonny?"
> The doctor replies, "A Ferrari GTO. It cost half a million dollars!"
> "That's a lot of money," says the old man. "Why does it cost so much?"
> "Because this car can do up to 250 miles an hour!" states the doctor
> The Moped driver asks, "Mind if I take a look inside?"
> "No problem," replies the doctor.
> So the old man pokes his head in the window and looks around. Then,
> sitting back on his Moped, the old man says, "That's a pretty nice car,
> all right...but I'll stick with my Moped!"
> Just then the light changes, so the doctor decides to show the old man
> just what his car can do. He floors it, and within 30
> seconds, the speedometer reads 150 mph. Suddenly, he notices a dot in
> his rear view mirror. It seems to be getting closer! He slows down to
> see what it could be and suddenly....
> Something whips by him going much faster! "What on earth could be going
> faster than my Ferrari?" the doctor asks himself. He floors the
> accelerator and takes the Ferrari up to 175 mph. Then, up ahead of him,
> he sees that it's the old man on the moped!! Amazed that the Mop4d
> could pass his Ferrari, he gives it more gas and passes the moped at
> 210 mph.
> He's feeling pretty good until he looks in his mirror and sees the old
> man gaining on him AGAIN!
> Astounded by the speed of this old guy, he floors the gas pedal and
> takes the Ferrari all the way up to 250 mph. Not ten seconds later, he
> sees the Moped bearing down on him again! The Ferrari is flat out, and
> there's nothing he can do!
> Suddenly, the Moped plows into the back of his Ferrari, demolishing the
> rear end. The doctor stops and jumps out and unbelievably the old man
> is still alive. He runs up to t he mangled old man and says, "Oh My
> Gosh! Is there anything I can do for you?"
> The old man whispers, "Unhook my suspenders from your side mirror."
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
your waiter may know!
YOUR AGE BY DINER & RESTAURANT MATH
DON'T CHEAT BY SCROLLING DOWN FIRST!
It takes less than a minute .
Work this out as you read ...
Be sure you don't read the bottom until you've worked it out!
This is not one of those waste of time things, it's fun.
1. First of all, pick the number of times a week that you would like to
go out to eat.
(more than once but less than 10)
2. Multiply this number by 2 (just to be bold)
3. Add 5
4. Multiply it by 50
5. If you have already had your birthday this year add 1757 ....
If you haven't, add 1756.
6. Now subtract the four digit year that you were born.
You should have a three digit number
The next two numbers are
YOUR AGE! (Oh YES, it is!!!!!)
THIS IS THE ONLY YEAR (2007) IT WILL EVER WORK, SO SPREAD IT AROUND WHILE IT LASTS
Friday, May 4, 2007
When I was little, I used to believe in the concept of one best friend,
and then I started to become a woman.
And then I found out that if you allow your heart to open up,
God would show you the best in many friends.
One friend is needed when you're going through things with your man.
Another friend is needed when you're going through things with your mom.
Another when you want to shop, share, heal, hurt, joke, or just be.
One friend will say, "Let's cry together,"
another, "Let's fight together,"
another, "Let's walk away together."
One friend will meet your spiritual need, another your shoe fetish, another your love for movies, another will be with you in your season of confusion, another will be your clarifier, another the wind beneath your wings.
But whatever their assignment in your life, on whatever the occasion, on whatever the day, or wherever you need them to meet you with their gym shoes on and hair
pulled back, or to hold you back from making a complete fool of yourself, those are your best friends.
one from 7th grade,
one from high school,
several from the college years,
a couple from old jobs,
on some days your mother,
on some days your neighbor,
on others, your sisters,
and on some days, your daughters.
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
GAMES FOR WHEN WE ARE OLDER
1. Sag, you're it.
2. Hide and go pee.
3. 20 questions shouted into your good ear.
4. Kick the bucket.
5. Red Rover, Red Rover, the nurse says Bend Over.
6. Musical recliners.
7. Simon says something incoherent.
8. Pin the Toupee on the Bald Guy.
SIGNS OF MENOPAUSE:
1. You sell your home heating system at a yard sale.
2. You have to write post-it notes with your kids' names on them.
3. You change your underwear after a sneeze.
OLD IS WHEN:
1. Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.
2. You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't
have to go along.
3. Getting a little action means you don't need fiber today.
4. Getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot.
5. An all-nighter means not getting up to pee!
Thoughts for the weekend
Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply
Press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over?
Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.
If raising children was going to be easy, it never would have started
With something called labor!
Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.
But Most Of All, Remember..............
A Good Friend Is Like A Good Bra: Hard to Find, Supportive, Comfortable, And Always Close To Your Heart
Friday, April 13, 2007
I have a birthday coming up on April 30th.
The past week has been a form of old age hell.
I have had the flu or something that has convinced me that ...I am getting old...really...
Everything still hurts, even my teeth (still my own) and my hair also hurts. The flu has been screaming to me that I am an OLD person. Everything about or close to my body still hurts or is stiff
But back to my age.
I am trying to decide how old I will be on this up coming birthday.
Will I be my REAL age??????
I don't look or feel my real age (excluding this past week of flu hell) where I have looked at least 10 years older than I am!
I had already decided to be 40 but that age is already taken by one of my daughters so I can't pick that one.
33 and 38ish are taken by my other children.I have a Grand son who is almost 23 so I can't choose that age...Damn
So, what is a woman to do when a big birthday is fast approaching?
She stays up and types her thoughts into a journal at 3:39 am...that's what.
I saw the show on Oprah where a woman had written a book about the plight of the aging neck. She hates her neck and says a woman can change the age of her face but not the neck.
Never thought about my neck. I looked...AHHHH...Shouldn't have done that.
No way around it...my neck is going.
Will this be the birthday of colorful neck scarves? Turtle necks have always choked me so those are out.
Another thing that I have noticed about my body that is going is my arm skin.
Never thought much about it until the other day when I raised my arms to pull my hair away from my face.
I was in the bathroom with the big...BIG mirror and 8 bright lights.
As I raised my arms to pull my hair back...I saw, out of the corner of my failing eyes, the skin on my arm slide into tiny,wrinkled, crinkled old looking paper. Paper that had been wadded up and someone had tried to straightened out!
I quickly put my arms down. Changed my view and tried it again. Sure enough, it was not an optical illusion.
My arms have developed "The Crinkles".
Now, I am destined to wear colorful neck scarves to hide my neck and long sleeves to hide the crinkles on my upper arms for the rest of my life.
What to doabout the brown age spots ( or Freckles as I like to call them) on the back of my once lovely hands. Oh No....Gloves????
Do I dare wear shorts ever again and expose the tiny roads of veins that are beginning to draw maps on my legs?
I must cover up from head to toe from this birthday on.......................
How could this have happened?
I never thought about my body getting old.
I never thought about me getting old!
So, This birthday...I have a big decision to make.
Am I going to get old or not? Am I going to show the body that has gotten me to this age with pride? Or cover up and hide?
I do have a big say in my aging process.
I don't want to look 20, 30, 40, 50 again.......................
OK, Maybe 40-50, That was a wonderful age. Everything was still where it was supposed to be and the energy was still there.
Age is all in the mind.
Age is a silly number assigned by man.
I must remember to tell my brain what my younger age will be on this up-coming birthday.
So that my brain can tell my joints and the joints will relay the message to my muscles and so on and so on........
Happy Birthday to me on April 30th and I will remind myself........
My real age is not so bad!
Not so very bad at all...............................
To a person of 80 or 90...
I'm still just a baby!!!!
Tuesday, April 3, 2007
----- Alright ladies......................
The Open Toed Shoe Pledge
As a member of the Cute Girl Sisterhood, I pledge to follow the Rules
when wearing sandals and other open-toe shoes:
I promise to always wear sandals that fit.
I will go polish-free or............... vow to keep the polish fresh, intact and
I will not cheat and just touch up my big toe.
I will sand down any mounds of skin before they turn hard and yellow.
I will shave the hairs off my big toe.
I won't wear pantyhose even if my misinformed girlfriend, coworker,
mother, sister tells me the toe seam really will stay under my toes if I
tuck it there.
If a strap breaks, I won't duct-tape, pin, glue or tuck it back into
place hoping it will stay put. I will get my shoe fixed or toss it.
I will not live in corn denial; rather I will lean on my good friend
Dr. Scholl's if my feet need him.
I will resist the urge to buy jelly shoes at Payless for the low, low
price of $4.99 even if my feet are small enough to fit into the kids'
sizes. This is out of concern for my safety, and the safety of others.
No one can walk properly when standing in a pool of sweat and I would
hate to take someone down with me as I fall and break my ankle.
I will take my toe ring off toward the end of the day if my toes swell and begin to look like Vienna sausages.
I will be brutally honest with my girlfriend/sister/coworker when she
asks me if her feet are too ugly to wear sandals. Someone has to tell
her that her toes are as long as my fingers and no sandal makes creepy
feet look good.
I will promise if I wear flip flops, that I will ensure that they
actually flip and flop, making the correct noise while walking and I
will swear NOT to slide or drag my feet while wearing them.
I will promise to go to my local nail salon at least once per season
and have a real pedicure (they are about $35 and worth EVERY penny).
I will promise to throw away any white/off-white sandals that show
signs of wear... nothing is tackier than dirty white sandals.
Saturday, March 17, 2007
And it's winter before we know it....
You know, time has a way of moving quickly and catching you unaware of the passing years.
And I have glimpses of how it was back then and of allmy hopes and dreams... But, hereit is..the winter of my life and it catches me by surprise...
How did I get here so fast? Where did the years go and where did my babies go? And where did my youth go?
But, here it is...wife retired and she's really getting gray...she moves slower and I see an older woman now. She's in better shape than me... but, I see the great change... Not the one I married who was young and vibrant... but, like me, her age is beginning to show and we are now those older folks that we used to see and never thought we'd be.