--- THE SENILITY PRAYER :
Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway........
The good fortune to run into the ones I do.....
And the eyesight to tell the difference.
This is written in the Hebrew Talmud, the book where all of the sayings and preaching of Rabbis are conserved over time. It says:
"Be very careful if you make a woman cry, because God counts her tears. The woman came out of a man's rib. Not from his feet to be walked on. Not from his head to be superior, but from the side to be equal. Under the arm to be protected, and next to the heart to be loved."
The Miracle of Toilet Paper
Fresh from my shower, I stand in front of the mirror complaining to my husband that my breasts are too small. Instead of characteristically telling me it's not so, he uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion.
"If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of
Toilet paper and rub it between them for a few seconds."
Willing to try anything, I fetch a piece of toilet paper and stand
In front of the mirror, rubbing it between my breasts. "How long
Will this take?" I ask.
"They will grow larger over a period of years," my husband
I stopped. "Do you really think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between
my breasts every day will make my breasts larger over the years?
Without missing a beat he says, "Worked for your butt, didn't it?"
He's still alive, and with a great deal of therapy, he may even walk again although he will probably continue to take his meals through a straw.
Stupid, stupid man.