Wednesday, April 18, 2007

GAMES FOR WHEN WE ARE OLDER

 

                GAMES FOR WHEN WE ARE OLDER    
           
    1. Sag, you're it.

    2. Hide and go pee.

    3. 20 questions shouted into your good ear.

    4. Kick the bucket.

    5. Red Rover, Red Rover, the nurse says Bend Over.

    6. Musical recliners.

    7. Simon says something incoherent.

    8. Pin the Toupee on the Bald Guy.


    SIGNS OF MENOPAUSE:

    1. You sell your home heating system at a yard sale.

    2. You have to write post-it notes with your kids' names on them.

    3. You change your underwear after a sneeze.


    OLD IS WHEN:

    1. Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.

    2. You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't
         have to go along.

    3. Getting a little action means you don't need fiber today.

    4. Getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot.

    5. An all-nighter means not getting up to pee!



    Thoughts for the weekend

    Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply
    Press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over?

    Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.

    If raising children was going to be easy, it never would have started
   With something called labor!

   Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.

    But Most Of All, Remember..............

    A Good Friend Is Like A Good Bra: Hard to Find,    Supportive, Comfortable, And Always Close To Your Heart

Friday, April 13, 2007

DECISION ON MY REAL AGE

I have a birthday coming up on April 30th.

The past week has been a form of old age hell.

I have had the flu or something that has convinced me that ...I am getting old...really...

Everything still hurts, even my teeth (still my own) and my hair also hurts.  The flu has been screaming to me that I am an OLD person. Everything about or close to my body still hurts or is stiff

But back to my age.

I am trying to decide how old I will be on this up coming birthday.

Will I be my REAL age??????

I don't look or feel my real age (excluding this past week of flu hell) where I have looked at least 10 years older than I am!

I had already decided to be 40 but that age is already taken by one of my daughters so I can't pick that one.

33 and 38ish are taken by my other children.I have a Grand son who is almost 23 so I can't choose that age...Damn

 So, what is a woman to do when a big birthday is fast approaching?

She stays up and types her thoughts into a journal at 3:39 am...that's what.

 I saw the show on Oprah where a woman had written a book about the plight of the aging neck. She hates her neck and says a woman can change the age of her face but not the neck.

Never thought about my neck. I looked...AHHHH...Shouldn't have done that.

No way around it...my neck is going.

Will this be the birthday of colorful neck scarves? Turtle necks have always choked me so those are out.

Another thing that I have noticed about my body that is going is my arm skin.

Never thought much about it until the other day when I raised my arms to pull my hair away from my face.

I was in the bathroom with the big...BIG mirror and 8 bright lights.

As I raised my arms to pull my hair back...I saw, out of the corner of my failing eyes, the skin on my arm slide into tiny,wrinkled, crinkled old looking paper. Paper that had been wadded up and someone had tried to straightened out!

I quickly put my arms down. Changed my view and tried it again. Sure enough, it was not an optical illusion.

My arms have developed "The Crinkles".

Now, I am destined to wear colorful neck scarves to hide my neck and long sleeves to hide the crinkles on my upper arms for the rest of my life.

What to doabout the brown age spots ( or Freckles as I like to call them) on the back of my once lovely hands. Oh No....Gloves????

Do I dare wear shorts ever again and expose the tiny roads of veins that are beginning to draw maps on my legs?

I must cover up from head to toe from this birthday on.......................

How could this have happened?

I never thought about my body getting old.

I never thought about me getting old!

So, This birthday...I have a big decision to make.

Am I going to get old or not? Am I going to show the body that has gotten me to this age with pride?  Or cover up and hide?

I do have a big say in my aging process.

I don't want to look 20, 30, 40, 50 again.......................

OK, Maybe 40-50, That was a wonderful age. Everything was still where it was supposed to be and the energy was still there.

Birthday...My birthday.

Age is all in the mind.

Age is a silly number assigned by man.

I must remember to tell my brain what my younger age will be on this up-coming birthday.

So that my brain can tell my joints and the joints will relay the message to my muscles and so on and so on........

Happy Birthday to me on April 30th and I will remind myself........

My real age is not so bad!

Not so very bad at all...............................

To a person of 80 or 90...

I'm still just a baby!!!!

ML

Tuesday, April 3, 2007

THE SANDAL PROMISE

 
                                         THE SANDAL PROMISE.... 
 
   ----- Alright ladies......................
 It's that time of year once again!!! I think we need to be reminded of a few things.
 
 
So my sisters, PLEASE, raise your big toes and repeat after me below... 
 
 
The Open Toed Shoe Pledge
 As a member of the Cute Girl Sisterhood, I pledge to follow the Rules
when wearing sandals and other open-toe shoes: 

 
I promise to always wear sandals that fit.
My toes will not hang over and touch the ground, nor will my heels spill over the backs. And the sides and tops of my feet will not pudge out between the straps. 

 
I will go polish-free or............... vow to keep the polish fresh, intact and
chip-free. 
I will not cheat and just touch up my big toe. 

 
I will sand down any mounds of skin before they turn hard and yellow. 

 
I will shave the hairs off my big toe. 

 
I won't wear pantyhose even if my misinformed girlfriend, coworker,
mother, sister tells me the toe seam really will stay under my toes if I
tuck it there.
 

 
If a strap breaks, I won't duct-tape, pin, glue or tuck it back into
place hoping it will stay put. I will get my shoe fixed or toss it. 

 
I will not live in corn denial; rather I will lean on my good friend
Dr. Scholl's if my feet need him. 

 
I will resist the urge to buy jelly shoes at Payless for the low, low
price of $4.99 even if my feet are small enough to fit into the kids'
sizes.  This is out of concern for my safety, and the safety of others.
No one can walk properly when standing in a pool of sweat and I would
hate to take someone down with me as I fall and break my ankle. 

 
I will take my toe ring off toward the end of the day if my toes swell and begin to look like Vienna sausages. 

 
I will be brutally honest with my girlfriend/sister/coworker when she
asks me if her feet are too ugly to wear sandals. Someone has to tell
her that her toes are as long as my fingers and no sandal makes creepy
feet look good. 
 

 I will promise if I wear flip flops,  that I will ensure that they
actually flip and flop, making the correct noise while walking and I
will swear NOT to slide or drag my feet while wearing them.
 

  I will promise to go to my local nail salon at least once per season
and have a real pedicure (they are about $35 and worth EVERY penny). 

 
I will promise to throw away any white/off-white sandals that show
signs of wear... nothing is tackier than dirty white sandals.