Monday, October 22, 2007

THE NEXT SURVIVOR SERIES


THE NEXT SURVIVOR SERIES



Six married men will be dropped on an island with one car and 3 kids each
for six weeks.



Each kid will play two sports and either take music or dance classes.



There is no fast food.



Each man must take care of his 3 kids; keep his assigned house clean,
correct all homework, complete science projects, cook, do laundry, and pay a
list of "pretend" bills with not enough money.



In addition, each man will have to budget in money for groceries each week.



Each man must remember the birthdays of all their friends and relatives, and
send cards out on time.



Each man must also take each child to a doctor's appointment, a dentist
appointment and a haircut appointment . He must make one unscheduled and
inconvenient visit per child to the Urgent Care (weekend, evening, on a
holiday or right when they're about to leave for vacation). He must also
make cookies or cupcakes for a social function.



Each man will be responsible for decorating his own assigned house, planting
flowers outside and keeping it presentable at all times.



The men will only have access to television when the kids are asleep and all
chores are done.



Each father will be required to know all of the words to every stupid song
that comes on TV and the name of each and every character on cartoons.



Each man will have to make an Indian hut model with six toothpicks, a
tortilla and one marker; and get a 4 year old to eat a serving of peas.



Each man must adorn himself with jewelry, wear uncomfortable yet stylish
shoes, keep their nails polished and eyebrows groomed. The men must try to
get through each day without snot, spit-up or barf on their clothing.



D uring one of the six weeks, the men will have to endure severe abdominal
cramps, back aches, and have extreme, unexplained mood swings but never once
complain or slow down from other duties. They must try to explain what a
tampon is for when the 6-yr old boy finds it in the purse.



They must attend weekly school meetings, church, and find time at least once
to spend the afternoon at the park or a similar setting.



He will need to read a book to the children each night without falling
asleep, and then feed them, dress them, brush their teeth and comb their
hair each morning by 7:00. They must leave the home with no food on their
face or clothes.



A test will be given at the end of the six weeks, and each father will be
required to know all of the following information: each child's birthday,
height, weight, shoe size, clothes size and doctor's name.



Also the child's weight at birth, length, time of birth, and length of
labor, each child's favorite colour, middle name, favorite snack, favorite
song, favorite drink, favorite toy, biggest fear and what they want to be
when they grow up.



They must clean up after their sick children at 2:00 a.m. and then spend the
remainder of the day tending to that child and waiting on them hand and foot
until they are better.



They must have a loving, age appropriate reply to, "You're not the boss of
me".



The kids vote them off the island based on performance. The last man wins
only if...he still has enough energy to be intimate with his spouse at a
moment's notice.

Sunday, October 21, 2007

THE DEFINITION OF OLD

First you tell your friends that you are having an affair..............

 

Then your friends asks you...............................

 

 

"Are you having it catered???"

 

 

THAT, is the definition of.........

 OLD!!!!!!!!!

 

Thursday, October 18, 2007

THE YEAR 1907

THE YEAR 1907

This will boggle your mind, I know it did mine!
The year is 1907.
One hundred years ago.
What a difference a century makes!
Here are some of the U.S. Statistics for the Year 1907 :
************************
The average life expectancy in the U.S. Was 47 years old.

Only 14 percent of the homes in the U.S
Had a bathtub.

Only 8 percent of the homes had a telephone.

A three-minute call from Denver to New York City
Cost eleven dollars.

There were only 8,000 cars in the U.S. , and only 144 miles of paved roads.

The maximum speed limit in most cities was 10 mph.

Alabama, Mississippi, Iowa, and Tennessee were each more
Heavily populated than California

With a mere 1.4 million people, California was only the 21st
Most populous state in the Union
The tallest structure in the world was the Eiffel Tower !

The average wage in the U.S. Was 22 Cents per hour.
The average U.S. Worker made between $200 and $400  per year
A competent accountant could expect to earn $2000 per year,
A dentist made $2,500 per year,
A veterinarian $1,500 per year,

And a mechanical engineer about $5,000 per year.

More than 95 percent of all births in the U.S. Took place at HOME .

Ninety percent of all U.S. Doctors had NO COLLEGE EDUCATION!
Instead, they attended so-called medical schools, many of which
Were condemned in the press AND the government as "substandard."


Sugar cost four
cents a pound.


Eggs were fourteen cents a dozen.


Coffee was fifteen cents a pound.

Most women only washed their hair once a month
, and used
Borax or egg yolks for shampoo.

Canada passed a law that prohibited
poor people from
Entering into their country for any reason.

Five leading causes of death in the U.S. Were:
1. Pneumonia and influenza
2. Tuberculosis
3. Diarrhea
4. Heart disease
5. Stroke

The American flag had 45 stars.
Arizona, Oklahoma, New Mexico, Hawaii, and
Alaska hadn't been admitted to the Union yet.

The population of Las Vegas , Nevada , was only 30!!!!

Crossword puzzles, canned beer, and ice tea
Hadn't been invented
yet.


There was no Mother's Day or Father's Day.
Two out of every 10 U.S. Adults couldn't read or write.


Only 6 percent of all Americans had graduated from high school


Marijuana, heroin, and morphine were all available over
The counter at the local corner drugstores. Back then pharmacists
said, "Heroin clears the complexion, gives buoyancy to the mind
regulates the stomach and bowels, and is, in fact, a perfect guardian o f health."
   


There were about 230 reported Murders in the ENTIRE   U.S.A. !

WHAT WILL IT BE LIKE IN THE NEXT 100 YEARS??????

Sunday, October 14, 2007

ROOT CANAL

It's finally over!!!

I had the root canal on Thursday and expected not to hurt on Thursday night.  WRONG!!!

Today is my first day without pain in my jaw.

It feels sooooo good!

ML

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

TOOTHACHE UP DATE

Tomorrow at 10:00 am....I have a root canal on my bad tooth.

I'm not looking forward to it but I am, if that makes sense.

I must admit that I am nervous because I had a bad experience with a root canal in the past.

So, think about me tomorrow....All 2 or 3 of you who read this journal!

I'll let you both know how it went tomorrow night.

ML

Friday, October 5, 2007

TOOTHACHE UP DATE

I have an abscessed back tooth and an ear infection on the same side.

OHHHA   OUCHHH

Doc's...Primary care and Dentist have put me on antibiotics and I will have a root canal.

OUCHHHHH

It has and continues to be a learning experience.

I am learning to say very bad words, moan, holler and cry.

At least, this can be fixed!

 

ML