Friday, February 1, 2008

I'm enjoying my last visit to the beach in Santa Barbara this morning.  Every visit to this beach leaves me feeling old and depressed!

I leave for home in Ohio tomorrow morning. It is a place where people cover their bodies...even in the summer.

I Like It There!!!

I arrived at the beach with several things that would make me feel at home there. Paperback books, sunscreen, I Pod, water, hat, sunglasses, beach chair, umbrella, blanket, crackers ( in case I get hungry), radio, beach cover up that goes to my feet, cell phone ( in case I need to call 911), paper, pen, dictionary, thank you cards ( I need to write a few notes), magnifying glasses ( eye site going), lip balm, money, condo key and car keys, small towel to wipe the face sweat, big towel to wipe the body sweat, a few other important beachy things.

I brought so many things that I needed a horse and buggy to take me to the spot where I could critique the under 30 beach babes and  bronze guys in action.

My place was set up and I began to scope the action of the under 30 something's.

What a sight to see from these eyes. Where do they get all that energy????

Beach volleyball is big here and I watched as the under 30 something's bounced around like they were on a trampoline and batted the white ball back and forth.

I just knew that the under 30 something females would surely lose their skimpy swim suits but they kept them on. Boobies flying up and  down and I would hear a "oops" as a under 30 something would adjust her top as she smiled. Skinny rears with bathing suit bottoms lodged in..##** you know.Only by some higher power, did those suits stay on. Some of the 30 something's even wore thongs. So they could play volley ball better, I'm sure.

At the other end of the beach, many of the under 30 crowd were lifting surfboards high on their heads as they rushed to the water to catch a wave. I sighed.....

Don't these people ever walk anywhere?

Then, out of the corner of my eye, I spotted several other over 50 something females sitting under umbrella's, dressed in turtle neck cover-ups, long pants, socks and shoes,watching the under 30 something's too.

Could it be that we are reliving our youth as we watch all that energy run up and down the beach?

Could it be that we remember looking that fit and tight. I mean there was not a jiggle anywhere on those under 30 something bodies. Well, unless you count the jiggling boobs and some of those didn't jiggle! There was not a single jiggle from an arm as they hit that ball. I raised my arm to adjust the umbrella and with the ocean breezes was afraid that I might take off with the wing span under my arms!

I never had a body like that or could play volley ball or surf..I'm from the South and we didn't do things like surf and play beach volleyball to show off our under 30 something bodies.

We wore very short shorts, cute cut off tops and walked around a lot.

Now, in my declining age.....I have developed into the beach critic for the under 30 crowd of Santa Barbara. That will be my only job today.

Hey...watch where you are walking in those tall shoes!!! Who, I ask you who wears 6" heals to the beach!!!

Do you know that the bottom half of your swim suit is too small and stuck up your **##**???  

Funny, I don't think she even saw me..... 

For some reason, after a female passes from the 40's into the 50's ...you cannot be seen by under 30 something's. I have become invisible to that age group.

The over 50 something males watch the under 30 something females very closely. Their heads are spinning around like Linda Blaire in that scary movie...  These men make me a little sick with their silly smiles all the while sucking their guts in as a under 30 something walks by their chair.

Should I advertise a beach meeting for 5:00pm, just to tell the beach volley ball set to enjoy this time in their lives? Should I tell them that this time and their bodies will not stay this way forever?

Should I tell the females that their boobies will sag and so will their bottoms? Should I tell the guys that they will have performance issues in their future and the strength that they have now will go away?

I watch them and I smile because I remember the days when I was a under 30 something.

Should I tell them ?????

No way....The day is too full of sunshine and promise. I will just let them continue to think that this time will last forever.

I am thinking about getting up and going back to the condo. I am thinking about it but this darn beach chair is so low in the sand that it will take a crane to hoist me to my feet. Then, I can't be sure that my legs will hold me up as I trudge through the sand to find my car, put everything in the trunk and find my keys to start the car and drive home. Then, Once home, I will have to take all my beachy stuff in the house.

On second though, I will just stay put for a while longer and watch the under 30 something's play volleyball. I can't burn because I am covered from head to toe.

I watch them as I have for 4 hours now and their energy has not gone away.

Do you think that their energy is catching?  Maybe the ocean breezes will blow some my way!

Santa Barbara Beach Critic signing off.

Mary Louise