Monday, March 31, 2008

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

RED SKELTON

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PRICELESS

 

For those of you old enough to remember Red Skelton, I think you will enjoy this e-mail. For those of you not old enough you will see what you missed. Either way, his humor was always clean and he was a great entertainer. A rerun of great one liner's from the man who was known for his clean humor. I hope you get a chuckle or two reading them once more.


RED SKELTON'S RECIPE

FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE

 

 

 

1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a little

 beverage, good food and companionship.

She goes on Tuesdays; I go on Fridays.

2. We also sleep in separate beds.

Hers is in California, and mine is in Texas.

 

3. I take my wife everywhere....

but she keeps finding her way back.

 

4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary.

"Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.

So I suggested the kitchen.

 

5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

 

6. She has an electric blender, electric

toaster and electric bread maker.

She said "There are too many gadgets, and no place

to sit down!" So I bought her an electric chair.

 

7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well

because there was water in the carburetor.

I asked where the car was. She told me, "In the lake."

 

8. She got a mud pack, and looked great for two days.

Then the mud fell off.

 

9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late

for the garbage?" The driver said, "No, jump in!"

 

10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.

 

11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her

first name was Always.

 

12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months

I don't like to interrupt her.

 

13. The last fight was my fault though.

My wife asked, "What's on the TV?"

I said, "Dust!"


Can't you just hear him say all of these?

I love it........these were the good old days

when humor didn't have to start with a four letter word. It was just clean and simple fun.

And he always ended his programs with the words, "God Bless."

INNER STRENGTH

Inner Strength



If you can start the day without caffeine,


If you can always be cheerful,
ignoring aches and pains,

If you can resist complaining and
boring people with your troubles,

If you can eat the same food every
day and be grateful for it,

If you can understand when your loved
ones are too busy to give you any time,

If you can take criticism and
blame without resentment

If you can ignore a friend's limited
education and never correct her/him,

If you can resist treating a rich friend
better than a poor friend

 


 

 

If you can conquer tension without medical help,

If you can relax without liquor,


If you can sleep without the aid of drugs,
 

     


...Then You Are Probably
The Family Dog!