Tuesday, May 27, 2008

TRUE FRIENDSHIP

True Friendship 
 
None of that Sissy Crap 
 
 
Are you tired of those sissy 'friendship' poems that always sound good, but never actually come close to reality? 

Well, here is a series of promises that actually speak of true friendship. You will see no cutesy little smiley faces on this card- Just the stone cold truth of our great friendship.
 
1. When you are sad -- I will jump on the person who made you sad like a spider monkey jacked up on Mountain Dew. 
 
2. When you are blue -- I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you. 
 
3. When you smile -- I will know you are plotting something that I must be involved in. 
 
4. When you are scared -- I will rag on you about it every chance I get. 
 
5. When you are worried -- I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be until you quit whining. 

6. When you are confused -- I will use little words. 

7. When you are sick -- Stay away from me until you are well again. I don't want whatever you have. 
 
8. When you fall -- I will point and laugh at your clumsy butt. 
 
9. This is my oath.... I pledge it to the end.

"Why?" you may ask, "because you are my friend".  Friendship is like peeing your pants, everyone can see it, but only you can feel the true warmth.. 

The original directions said to "Send this to 10 of your closest friends, then get depressed because you can only think of 4."
 

Wednesday, May 7, 2008

GRANNIES ON THE ROAD

Grannies on the Road


            Sitting on the side of the road waiting to catch speeding drivers,
a state trooper sees a car puttering along at 22 mph.
              He thinks to himself, "This driver is as dangerous as a speeder!"
              So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over.

 
              Approaching the car, he notices that there are five elderly
ladies - two in the front seat and three in the back, wide-eyed and
white as ghosts.


              The driver, obviously confused, said to him, "Officer, I don't
understand. I was going the exact speed limit. What seems to be the
problem?"


              The trooper, trying to contain a chuckle, explains to her that 22
was the route number, not the speed limit.
              A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for
pointing out her error.


              "But before you go, Ma'am, I have to ask, is everyone in this car
OK? These women seem awfully shaken."


              "Oh, they'll be all right in a minute, officer........

 We just got off Route 127".